狄更斯雙語小說:《董貝父子》第33章Part 6

'He was an altered man when he did wrong,' said Harriet. 'He is an altered man again, and is his true self now, believe me, Sir.'
'But we go on, said her visitor, rubbing his forehead, in an absent manner, with his hand, and then drumming thoughtfully on the table, 'we go on in our clockwork routine, from day to day, and can't make out, or follow, these changes. They - they're a metaphysical sort of thing. We - we haven't leisure for it. We - we haven't courage. They're not taught at schools or colleges, and we don't know how to set about it. In short, we are so d-------d business-like,' said the gentleman, walking to the window, and back, and sitting down again, in a state of extreme dissatisfaction and vexation.
'I am sure,' said the gentleman, rubbing his forehead again; and drumming on the table as before, 'I have good reason to believe that a jog-trot life, the same from day to day, would reconcile one to anything. One don't see anything, one don't hear anything, one don't know anything; that's the fact. We go on taking everything for granted, and so we go on, until whatever we do, good, bad, or indifferent, we do from habit. Habit is all I shall have to report, when I am called upon to plead to my conscience, on my death-bed. ''Habit," says I; ''I was deaf, dumb, blind, and paralytic, to a million things, from habit." ''Very business-like indeed, Mr What's-your-name,' says Conscience, ''but it won't do here!"'
The gentleman got up and walked to the window again and back: seriously uneasy, though giving his uneasiness this peculiar expression.
'Miss Harriet,' he said, resuming his chair, 'I wish you would let me serve you. Look at me; I ought to look honest, for I know I am so, at present. Do I?'
'Yes,' she answered with a smile.
'I believe every word you have said,' he returned. 'I am full of self-reproach that I might have known this and seen this, and known you and seen you, any time these dozen years, and that I never have. I hardly know how I ever got here - creature that I am, not only of my own habit, but of other people'sl But having done so, let me do something. I ask it in all honour and respect. You inspire me with both, in the highest degree. Let me do something.'
'We are contented, Sir.'
'No, no, not quite,' returned the gentleman. 'I think not quite. There are some little comforts that might smooth your life, and his. And his!' he repeated, fancying that had made some impression on her. 'I have been in the habit of thinking that there was nothing wanting to be done for him; that it was all settled and over; in short, of not thinking at all about it. I am different now. Let me do something for him. You too,' said the visitor, with careful delicacy, 'have need to watch your health closely, for his sake, and I fear it fails.'
'Whoever you may be, Sir,' answered Harriet, raising her eyes to his face, 'I am deeply grateful to you. I feel certain that in all you say, you have no object in the world but kindness to us. But years have passed since we began this life; and to take from my brother any part of what has so endeared him to me, and so proved his better resolution - any fragment of the merit of his unassisted, obscure, and forgotten reparation - would be to diminish the comfort it will be to him and me, when that time comes to each of us, of which you spoke just now. I thank you better with these tears than any words. Believe it, pray.
The gentleman was moved, and put the hand she held out, to his lips, much as a tender father might kiss the hand of a dutiful child. But more reverently.
'If the day should ever come, said Harriet, 'when he is restored, in part, to the position he lost - '

“當他犯了罪的時候，他變成了另外一個人，”哈里特說道，”他現在又成了另外一個人，恢復了他的真實面貌。請相信我，先生。”
“可是我們照舊生活着，”她的客人心不在焉地擦着前額，然後若有所思地敲打着桌子，說道，”我們一天一天，按照一成不變的常規生活着，不可能發現或注視這些變化。它們--它們是形而上學一類的東西。我們--我們沒有閒暇來研究它。我們--我們沒有勇氣。在學校或學院裏不教它們。我們也不知道怎樣着手。總而言之，我們都是些該--死的事務家。”那位先生說道，一邊神情極爲不滿和煩惱地走到窗口，又走回來，重新坐下。
“說實在的，”那位先生又擦着前額，並像先前一樣敲打着桌子，說道，”我很有理由相信，這種一天又一天同一個模式的生活會使一個人甘心遷就任何事情。什麼也看不見，什麼也聽不到，什麼也不知道，這是事實。我們把一切都認爲是理所當然的，我們就這樣生活着，直到我們不論做什麼事，好的、壞的、不好不壞的，我們都是根據習慣去做。當我躺在臨終的牀上，要求對着良心爲我自己辯護的時候，我只能把一切都說成是習慣。‘習慣，’我說，‘由於習慣，我過去對千百萬的事情都是耳聾、口啞、眼瞎、感覺麻痹’。‘先生，您叫什麼名字？的確，您是個忙忙碌碌的事務家，’良心說，‘可是它在這裏無濟於事！’”
那位先生站起來，又走到窗口和走回來；雖然他是採用這樣獨特的方式來表示他的憂慮不安，但他確實是非常憂慮不安。
“哈里特小姐，”他重新在椅子上坐下，說道，”我希望您能允許我爲您幫點忙。請看着我，我的神態應當是誠實的。因爲我知道我是誠實的。是不是這樣？”
“是的，”她微笑着回答道。
“我相信您所講的每句話。”他回答道，”我深深地責怪自己，十二年來我本可以瞭解這一點，看見這一點，本可以瞭解您，看見您，可是我卻沒有認識，沒有看見。我真不知道我是怎麼到這裏來的。--我不僅成了我自己習慣的奴隸，而且成了別人習慣的奴隸！可是既然我已到這裏來了，就請允許我做點事情。我以所有的道義和尊敬向您請求。您極大地激勵了我的道義和尊敬。請允許我做點事情吧。”
“我們並不需要什麼，先生。”
“不，不，不完全這樣，”那位先生回答道，”我認爲不完全這樣。有一些小小的生活舒適用品可以使您的生活和他的生活過得愉快一些。和他的生活！”他以爲這已在她心上產生了一些印象，就重複了最後這句話，”我過去總是習慣地認爲，不需要爲他做什麼事情了，一切都已解決和過去了，總之我根本就沒有想過這個問題。現在我跟過去不一樣了，請允許我爲他做點什麼事情吧。也爲您做點事情。”客人關切、體貼地說道，”爲了他的緣故，您必須很好地保重您的身體，我擔心它已經衰弱了。”
“不管您是什麼人，先生，”哈里特擡起眼睛望着他的臉，說道，”我都深深地感謝您。我確實感到，您所講的一切，都是想爲我們好，並不追求其他目的。可是我們過這種生活已有很多年頭了。要從我弟弟那裏把他對我來說十分寶貴的、並已確實證明是他的堅強決心的東西取走一星半點，要把他在沒有得到幫助、默默無聞、被人遺忘的情況下進行贖罪而表現出的優秀品質取走一星半點，那麼當您剛纔講到的那個時刻降臨到我們面前的時候，它都會減少他和我將會感到的安慰。我的這些眼淚比任何語言都更能表達我對您的感謝。請您相信這一點。”
那位先生被感動了，他把她伸出的手拉到他的嘴脣上，非常像一位慈愛的父親吻一個孝順的女兒的手一樣。
“如果有一天他部分地恢復他所失去的地位，”哈里特說道。