《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 60 (135):淚水是生命的一部分

I almost started to cry right then, but quickly realized I didn't need to. Tears are part of this bodily life, and the place where these two souls were meeting that night in India had nothing to do with the body. The two people who needed to talk to each other up there on the roof were not even people anymore. They wouldn't even be talking. They weren't even ex-spouses, not an obstinate midwesterner and a high-strung Yankee, not a guy in his forties and a woman in her thirties, not two limited people who had argued for years about sex and money and furniture—none of this was relevant. For the purposes of this meeting, at the level of this reunion, they were just two cool blue souls who already understood everything. Un-bound by their bodies, unbound by the complex history of their past relationship, they came together above this roof (above me, even) in infinite wisdom. Still in meditation, I watched these two cool blue souls circle each other, merge, divide again and regard each other's per-fection and similarity. They knew everything. They knew everything long ago and they will al-ways know everything. They didn't need to forgive each other; they were born forgiving each other. The lesson they were teaching me in their beautiful turning was, "Stay out of this, Liz. Your part of this relationship is over. Let us work things out from now on. You go on with your life."

當時我幾乎哭了出來，但很快意識到自己不需要哭。淚水是肉體生命的一部分，這兩個靈魂今晚在印度相會的地方，卻與肉體毫不相干。必須在屋頂交談的兩個人，甚至不再是人。他們甚至不說話。他們甚至不是前妻、前夫，不是一個頑固的中西部人和一個神經緊張的北方人，不是四十幾歲的男人和三十幾歲的女人，不是長年爲性、金錢、傢俱而起爭執的兩個能力有限的人——這些都無關緊要。爲了這次會面，在這次聚會的層面上，他們只是兩個冷靜、藍色的靈魂，對一切都已瞭然在心。他們不受肉體束縛，不受既往的複雜關係史所束縛，他們懷着無窮無盡的智慧，一同來到屋頂上。仍在禪坐中的我，看着這兩個冷靜的藍色靈魂繞着彼此旋轉，合而爲一，再度分開，凝視彼此的完美與相似處。他們無所不知。他們許久以前無所不知，也將永遠無所不知。他們無需原諒彼此；他們生來就原諒彼此。他們優美的翻轉，教會了我：“小莉，置身事外吧。你在這個關係的角色已經結束。從現在起，由‘我們’來克服困難。你繼續過你的生活吧。”

Much later I opened my eyes, and I knew it was over. Not just my marriage and not just my divorce, but all the unfinished bleak hollow sadness of it . . . it was over. I could feel that I was free. Let me be clear—it's not that I would never again think about my ex-husband, or never again have any emotions attached to the memory of him. It's just that this ritual on the rooftop had finally given me a place where I could house those thoughts and feelings whenever they would arise in the future—and they will always arise. But when they do show up again, I can just send them back here, back to this rooftop of memory, back to the care of those two cool blue souls who already and always understand everything.

許久之後，我睜開眼睛，知道結束了。不只是我的婚姻、我的離婚，還有一切未完成的哀傷……都結束了。我感覺到我自由了。我得說清楚——我並非永遠不再想起我的前夫，或永遠不再對他有情感牽繫。只不過屋頂的這場儀式終於提供給我一個地方，讓這些想法和感覺在未來出現的時候有地方可去，而這些想法和感覺會永遠出現。若再度出現，我可以遣送它們回此處，回到記憶的屋頂，回到已經無所不知也將永遠無所不知的這兩個冷靜的藍色靈魂。

This is what rituals are for. We do spiritual ceremonies as human beings in order to create a safe resting place for our most complicated feelings of joy or trauma, so that we don't have to haul those feelings around with us forever, weighing us down. We all need such places of ritual safekeeping. And I do believe that if your culture or tradition doesn't have the specific ritual you're craving, then you are absolutely permitted to make up a ceremony of your own devising, fixing your own broken-down emotional systems with all the do-it-yourself resourcefulness of a generous plumber/poet. If you bring the right earnestness to your homemade ceremony, God will provide the grace. And that is why we need God.

這正是儀式的目的。人類之所以舉行心靈儀式，是爲了給複雜的喜悅或痛苦感覺提供一個安全的休憩地，讓我們無須永遠帶着這些沉重的感覺跑來跑去。我們每個人都需要這種妥善的儀式場所。我始終相信，你的文化或傳統若沒有自己渴求的特定儀式，那麼你絕對可以創造自己制定的儀式，以一個寬厚的水管工詩人親自想出的機智辦法，修補你本身故障的情緒系統。你若認真看待自己親手製作的儀式，就會蒙神恩寵。這正是我們需要神的理由。

So I stood up and did a handstand on my Guru's roof, to celebrate the notion of liberation. I felt the dusty tiles under my hands. I felt my own strength and balance. I felt the easy night breeze on the palms of my bare feet. This kind of thing—a spontaneous handstand—isn't something a disembodied cool blue soul can do, but a human being can do it. We have hands; we can stand on them if we want to. That's our privilege. That's the joy of a mortal body. And that's why God needs us. Because God loves to feel things through our hands. Eat, Pray, Love

於是我在導師的屋頂上站起來做倒立，歡慶自由。我感覺到手下積了灰塵的地磚，我感覺到自己的力量與平衡，我感覺到舒適的晚風吹在自己赤裸的腳掌。這樣的事——不由自主的倒立之舉——不是脫離肉體的冷靜的藍色靈魂做得到的事，而人類卻做得到。我們有手；只要願意，我們可以用雙手倒立。這是我們的特權。這是凡俗之身的喜悅。這正是神需要我們的理由。因爲神喜歡透過我們的雙手感受萬物。