經典的幽默搞笑小笑話

只要是英語的我們多多積累就可以了。今天小編就給大家分享一下英語的笑話，快來學習一下吧

　　你活不成了

Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.

一個人得了重病，妻子伴隨他去看醫生。檢查過後，醫生示意病人的妻子到走廊見他。

"Your husband is very sick, " the doctor said, "but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment , and don't complain about anything. Finally, make passionate love to him every day.“

你丈夫病得很重，”醫生說，“但有三件事可保住他的性命。第一，一日三餐，要營養美味。第二，給他一個輕鬆的環境，不要抱怨。第三，每天都對他傾注熾熱的愛。”

On the drive home the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"

在驅車回家的路上，丈夫問道：“醫生說了什麼?”

"I'm sorry, " she said, "but you're not going to make it.“

很遺憾，“你活不成了。”

　　他什麼都沒聽到

Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

我在郵局上班，對於顧客們的各種情緒早已習以爲常了。所以，有一天當一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作臺時，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什麼問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時候，我看到一個卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家。可是我的丈夫整個早上都在家啊。他說他什麼都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之後，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形於色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什麼好東西?”我問。“我丈夫的新助聽器”。

　　我要出去

A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang." What time do you open up in the morning ?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.

在凌晨兩點，酒吧店主鎖了店門，回家睡覺。他剛躺下幾分鐘，這時電話響了。“你早上幾點營業?”他聽到一位明顯已醉醺醺的男子的聲音。

The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. "Listen," the owner shouted ,"there's no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn't let a person in your condition in-"

店主非常氣憤，砰地一聲掛上電話又上牀去睡。幾分鐘後又有一個電話，他聽到還是那個聲音問同樣的問題。“聽着，”店主嚷道，“不要問我什麼時候營業，因爲我不會讓你這種人進----”

"I don't want to get in," the caller interjected. "I want to get out“

我不是想進來，”那人打斷他的話，“我要出去。”