還在跟那些糟糕的朋友浪費時間？真朋友的五大特質

As we go through life, we have the opportunity to meet a variety of different people. Some become casual acquaintances who we just smile and wave at when we see them and others don’t merit a second thought after they walk out the door, but a select few will make it into the inner circle and become friends.
我們這一生總會遇到各種各樣的人：有些只是泛泛之交，僅限於微笑打招呼；有些轉頭就會被我們忘得一乾二淨；而有那麼一些人，最後卻能成爲我們的知心密友。

There are different types of friends, however, and it often takes a while to determine whether the person you enjoy spending time with is a true friend or not. Sure, it’s great to get to know new people, and you might really enjoy hanging out with a particular group on weekends, but how do you feel when you’re around them? Do they elevate your spirits, or put you down? Would the person you go clubbing with on Friday nights come and visit you if you were really sick? What about bailing you out of jail? Would they come with you to break terrible news to your family, or be willing to go for a picnic in the middle of the night just because?
當然，朋友也分很多種。有些人相處起來很愉快，但是否是真朋友就不得而知了。雖然利用週末不斷結識新朋友也很有意思，但當身邊盡是些點頭之交時，你又會怎麼想呢？這些人會影響你的喜怒哀樂嗎？這些和你在週五晚上一定逛夜店的朋友，會在你生病的時候過來看你嗎？你萬一蹲了監獄，他們會保釋你嗎？當你家裏發生不幸，他們會伸出援手嗎？或者，看在朋友的份上，他們願意半夜跟你去野炊嗎？

Let’s take a look at a few traits of solid, amazing friends.
讓我們來看下真正可靠的好朋友都有哪些特質吧！

1. The Ability to Listen
樂於傾聽

“A friend asks, ‘Tell me one word which is significant in any kinds of relationship.’ Another friend says, ‘LISTEN!’” – Santosh Kalwar
“某個朋友問，‘用一個詞告訴我所有關係中最重要的是什麼？’另一個朋友回答：‘傾聽！’”——桑託什·卡爾瓦

When we communicate with other people, we can usually tell whether they’re listening to us, or just waiting to speak. Their body language speaks volumes about whether they actually care about what we’re saying. If they interrupt us, text to other people while you’re talking, change the subject, or turn the conversation back to something about them, then they aren’t really paying attention, are they?
與人溝通時，我們一般能判斷出對方是否真在傾聽，還是隻是自己在等着要說話。通過觀察他們的肢體語言，我們就能看出他們是不是真的在意我們所說的話。如果他們隨意打斷你、在一邊跟別人發短信、改變話題或把話題引到自己身上，那麼，他們並沒有真的傾聽，不是嗎？

A true friend will focus entirely on you and actually hear what it is you’re saying. If you need to just rant away about a shitty situation, they’ll shut up and let you vent. If you need advice, they’ll listen to what you need, repeat back to you some key points to ensure they got all the information, and then give you some tips and pointers. Whether you’re heartbroken, elated, or just in need of a sympathetic ear, you can be sure that when you’re talking, your words are being heard.
真朋友能全神貫注傾聽你的一字一句。如果你呱啦呱啦抱怨不停，他們會默默任你發泄；如果你徵求意見，他們會傾聽你的需求，跟你互動講話重點，然後再給出建議。不管你是難過、開心還是需要同情，只要講出來，真朋友肯定會聽到心裏去的。

2. Honesty/Sincerity
誠實真誠

“We are all travellers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
“我們都是大千世界裏的過客，旅途中最重要的莫過於忠誠的朋友。”——羅伯特·路易斯·史蒂文森

If you upset an acquaintance by saying or doing something unpleasant, they’ll likely just pretend it never happened and then bitch about you to everyone else behind your back. A true friend will call you on your behaviour and let you know that it was hurtful/upsetting/offensive because your relationship is important to them and they want to ensure that all snags are worked through. An acquaintance will pretend that everything’s okay and then whines about you to anyone who’ll listen doesn’t care about ensuring that everything’s okay. You’re replaceable to them, and if they don’t smooth things out with you, they can just hang out with somebody else from now on.
如果你說了或做了什麼讓泛泛之交難堪的事，他們只會裝作沒事一樣，然後在背後把你黑得一塌糊塗。而真朋友卻會坦白告訴你他受傷了，覺得很生氣很難過，因爲他很看重你們的友情，希望所有不愉快都能化解。泛泛之交表面裝作一切都很好，背後卻逢人就大倒苦水說你不是。對泛泛之交來說，你是可有可無的，如果跟你處不來，他可以立馬找其他人。3. Complete Acceptance
寬和包容

“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to: letting a person be what he really is.” – Jim Morrison
“朋友就是給你完全自由做你自己的人，不管何時何事使你情緒如何，他們都能給予包容。而這也正是愛的真諦：讓對方做他自己。”——吉姆·莫里森

Do you find that your friends are constantly trying to make you into something that you’re not not, deep down? This could be as innocuous as someone continually urging you to wear clothes that you’re not wholly comfortable wearing, or more unnerving, such as pushing you to drink more, or behave in ways that you feel embarrassed about the next day. Some might do these things out of a desire to “help” you, in that they want to “improve” something about you to better fit their idealized view of you, while others might want to justify their own behaviour by getting you to join in with them. Either way, it’s not much fun for you, and doesn’t allow you to really be yourself around them, does it?
你有沒有覺得朋友老是讓你做不喜歡的事情？小到勸你穿不喜歡的衣服、大到勸你多喝兩杯或引誘你做些尷尬的事情？有些人這麼做是爲了“幫助”你，即“提高”你的某些方面，使你更符合他們對你的要求；有些人則是出於自身需要硬把你也拉了進去。不管怎樣，你都覺得很沒意思，跟他們在一起時，你完全不是自己，是嗎？

A real friend loves and accepts you exactly as you are, and doesn’t care if you live in overalls and striped socks, eat cheese and pickle sandwiches on raisin bread, or dress like you stepped out of a Renaissance Faire. They accept you as you are, “warts and all”.
真朋友應該喜歡並接受你真實的樣子，不在乎你是否穿套裝或條紋襪子，吃奶酪、泡菜三明治加葡萄乾麪包，或打扮成要去文藝復興集會的樣子。他們真心接受你這個人——包括你的缺點。

4. Dependability
值得信賴

“You need not wonder whether you should have an unreliable person as a friend. An unreliable person is nobody’s friend.”– Idries Shah
“你無需跟不可靠的人交朋友，因爲不可靠的人不是任何人的朋友。”——愛德里艾斯·沙阿

Have you ever had an experience in which you made sure you were there for a friend when they needed you, but when you needed them in turn, they weren’t available? If you have, you might remember how much that hurt, and how betrayed you may have felt at the time. It hurts like hell when you go out of your way to take care of someone, and then when you’re vulnerable and in need, find out that they’d consider it inconvenient to reciprocate. They might say that they’re too busy, or they might even “accidentally” miss your calls/texts, but there’s usually some excuse they come up with in order to get out of whatever it is you need from them.
你是否也有過這樣的遭遇：當朋友需要你時，你在所不辭；但當你需要他們時，一個個都找不着人影？如果有，那你肯定忘不了當時難過和被背叛的感覺吧？你爲朋友赴湯蹈火，而反過來當你脆弱需要他們時，他們卻躲閃推脫——真傷人！他們或許會說“太忙了”，甚至故意不接你電話不回你短信，反正不管你求他們什麼，他們都有理由避而不幫。

A true friend is the person you can call in the middle of the night if you’re sick or heartbroken, and they’ll offer to come over to help you out however they can. They’re the ones you can turn to in crisis, or will keep secrets absolutely safe if you’re planning something spectacularly wonderful. There’s never any doubt as to whether they’ll be there for you when you need them to be; you can depend on them as well as they depend on you, in a perfect balance of giving and sharing.
如果是真朋友，當你生病或難過半夜打電話給他們時，他們定會盡可能陪在你身邊。真朋友能在患難時伸出援手，當你行動大計劃時能替你嚴守祕密。他們的忠誠絕對毋庸置疑：你們彼此給予和分享，完全值得信賴。

5. Presence
真實存在

“The warmth of a friend’s presence brings joy to our hearts, sunlight to our souls, and pleasure to all life.” – Author Unknown
“朋友的存在能愉悅我們的心靈、照亮我們的靈魂，讓我們的生活充滿歡樂。” ——無名氏

If you were to delete all of your social media accounts today, how many people do you think would still be in touch with you next week? If you no longer subscribed to anyone’s “feeds” for information about them, who would email you in order to keep you apprised of goings-on in their lives, or to check in on how you were doing? Who would text or call you? Or (dare I ask) even write you a letter? It might be worth doing a social media fast for a week or two just to see how many people would still reach out to contact you.
如果今天你刪除所有社交媒體賬戶，到下個星期，你覺得還能有多少人聯繫你？如果你取消對某些人的“關注”，又有誰會追討你對他們碎碎唸的評論，或問下你過得怎麼樣？誰還會給你發短信打電話？甚至（恕我直言），誰還會試着寫封信給你？或許這還真值得嘗試一下——就一兩個星期不用社交網絡，看誰還會聯繫你。

A true friend is one who makes a point to not only touch base with you on a regular basis, but also takes the time to be with you in person whenever possible. In some instances where distance is an issue, there might be Skype or Gtalk Hangouts instead, but it’s still face-to-face time wherein you can connect with them, and they with you. If someone is always too busy to dedicate time to you, or considers anything other than a Facebook “like” to be inconvenient, it might be worth re-evaluating your friendship with them.
真朋友不僅會正常聯繫你，還願意抽空跟你見見面。有些朋友可能因爲距離太遠，只能用Skype或Gtalk保持聯繫，但就算這樣也還能視頻見面。如果某人總是忙得抽不出時間見你，或覺得在Facebook之類的網絡上聯繫更方便，那你可得好好斟酌一下你們的友誼了。

The traits mentioned above are just a few that are associated with good, true friends, but there are many others. Keep people in your life who enhance your life, who make you feel appreciated and boost your spirits, and whom you would truly miss if they were gone. Life is far too short to spend with those who aren’t worthy of your time, or your friendship.
以上只是好朋友、真朋友的一部分特點，還有很多沒有羅列出來。請跟那些有益你的生活、使你感到被賞識、使你樂觀向上、讓你牽腸掛肚的人交朋友吧。人生短暫，不必爲不值得的人浪費時間或感情。