10種口味奇葩的東西(上)

Unusual food combos have become more popular, as companies and brands seek to capture the changing tastes and fickle attentions of consumers. But not every flavor innovation is going to reach the heights of the cronut, the croissant/donut mashup that Time hailed as one of 2013's best inventions. Some food revolutions won't catch on, and some ideas will be just plain disgusting. Below are 10 that fall into the latter category—gross combinations the world would be better off without.

現在不走尋常路的食物搭配越來越受歡迎，許多企業和品牌通過改變食物的口味來滿足消費者善變的味蕾和興趣。但不是所有口味方面的創新都能達到羊角甜甜圈那樣的效果，羊角甜甜圈被時代週刊譽爲2013年最佳發明之一。有些創意沒能流行，有些甚至很噁心。以下10種搭配均屬於後者——如果它們未曾出現過，那麼這世界會更美好。

n Toothpaste

10.培根味牙膏

We're not saying bacon isn't delicious—it is. We're not saying we don't want to greet the day with the sweet/salty/fat flavor that only bacon can impart—we do. But we are saying that bacon toothpaste is not the way we want to have that experience. The company that produces the "toothpaste that makes your breath bacon fresh" touts that it offers, "the perfect way to keep your teeth and gums healthy while coating your mouth with the delicious flavor of smoky meat!" True die-hard bacon afficianados may be pleased the company also offers bacon floss, so that your entire oral care routine can incorporate bacon, though they may be crushed to learn that the toothpaste doesn't contain any actual bacon.

我們並不是說培根不好吃，也不是說不想早晨以培根特有的肥美香味來迎接新的一天，我們想說的是，不想用培根味的牙膏來感受其美味。生產這種牙膏的公司稱：“此牙膏會使你的呼吸充滿培根的芬芳，保護你的牙齒和牙齦健康，同時讓你口中溢滿煙燻肉的香味！”要是這個公司還能提供培根味的牙線，那些培根死忠粉大概會更開心，畢竟整個口腔護理過程都充滿了培根的味道，但他們要是知道這種牙膏一點真培根都沒有，可能會難過。

Reviews of the product suggest that it is mainly purchased as a gag gift, and seems to serve that purpose pretty well, though some people seem to find the smell and taste too bacon-y, while others wish it was even stronger. "Is there anything bacon can't improve?", the company's website asks. We'd have to say yes, and that thing is toothpaste.

有條商品評價說，這種牙膏買來做惡作劇特別好，有些人覺得培根味太大了，卻也有人希望這種味道能更濃一些。這家公司的網站上有個問題：“還有什麼東西不能是培根味的嗎？”我們得說沒了，牙膏贏了。

ood Ice Cream

9.海鮮冰淇淋

Millions of American children grew up with Fudgie the Whale, the iconic mascot and signature ice cream cake of the Carvel ice cream company. But in Japan, the ice cream might actually contain actual whale, or some other form of seafood. Though seafood consumption in Japan has fallen since 2000, the country's residents still consume more fish than those of many other countries—an average of 27 kg a person in 2014 (compared to global per-capita average annual fish consumptions of 20 kg).

成千上萬的美國小孩都是吃鯨魚福吉長大的，鯨魚福吉是卡維爾冰淇淋公司標誌性的吉祥物及招牌冰淇淋蛋糕。但在日本，冰淇淋裏可能真的有鯨魚或其他海鮮。雖然2000年以來，日本的海鮮消耗量已經有所減少，但日本人吃的魚仍然比許多其他國家的人多——2014年人均27千克（全球年人均20千克）。

While some of the bounty of Japan's over $11 billion/year fishing industry finds its way into the country's famed sushi restaurants and other traditional seafood dishes, some of it ends up in ice cream options that sound, at best…unusual. Flavors include squid, shrimp, salt fish, and shark's fin. Small-batch local offerings depend on the quality and availability of the local seafood, but depending on where in Japan you find yourself, you could enjoy…, ummm…try eel, octopus, crab or sea urchin flavored ice cream. And when an influx of massive jellyfish hit Japan in 2009, one dairy company patriotically offered vanilla-and-jellyfish ice cream, which was described as "slightly chewy." We'll pass, thanks.

日本每年有超110億美元的捕魚業補貼金，部分用於該國著名的壽司店和其他傳統的海鮮飯店，但還有一些用於——冰淇淋，這好像有點……奇怪。冰淇淋的口味包括魷魚、蝦、鹹魚和魚翅。當地海鮮的質量和供應情況決定了海鮮冰淇凌的有限供應，但你可以自己在日本找，享用或者說……嘗試鰻魚、章魚、螃蟹或海膽味冰淇淋。2009年。大量水母涌入日本，一個乳業公司很愛國地生產出了香草水母冰淇淋，稱它“有點嚼頭”。我們不會吃的，謝謝。

y Corn Oreos

8.玉米糖奧利奧

Has anyone really ever said, "I can't get enough candy corn! I wish there were more opportunities to enjoy candy corn! I'm sad more things don't have the taste and appearance of candy corn!"? We don't think so. For most of us, the only good part of this so-called candy that looks—and tastes–like a mash-up of dye and plastic is that we only have avoid its unwelcome presence in the candy bowl once a year. So what could be worse than candy corn? Candy corn getting its orange, yellow, and white clutches on otherwise enjoyable snack items!

是不是有人真的說過：“我想要很多很多的玉米糖！我希望能吃到更多更多的玉米糖！要是很多東西都是玉米糖的味道和樣子，我會很開心！”？不可能吧。對大多數人來說，這種糖看上去、嚐起來都很像染料和塑料的混合物，一碗糖吃到最後剩下的總是玉米糖。那還有什麼比玉米糖更討厭呢？有啊，那些玉米糖味的、橙黃白相間的零食啊！

Kraft's Nabisco brand apparently decided that its Oreo, an unhealthy, but generally beloved cookie, needed a "Halloween makeover." Instead of just, you know, making the cream filling orange or something, it produced the abomination known as the Candy Corn Oreo. These limited edition (thank goodness!) Oreos (not that they really deserve to call themselves Oreos!) feature vanilla cookies sandwiching candy corn filling that is half fluorescent orange and half yellow, capturing all the artificial color and flavor of an ordinary candy corn. One unlucky NPR reporter, who was tasked with reviewing this flavor put it best: "When I eat regular Oreos, I want a glass of milk. When I eat these, I want a glass of poison." Nabisco, we'll admit that the Double Stuf Oreo is decadent, but delicious. We'll even grudgingly tolerate the presence of the Candy Cane Oreo you sometimes trot out for the holidays. But when you decide that the world needs the Candy Corn Oreo, you have gone TOO FAR.

卡夫的納貝斯克品牌一定是覺得他們的著名產品——奧利奧，需要搞個“萬聖節妝容”。他們可不是隻把奶油換成橙色，而是生產出了一種叫玉米糖奧利奧的噁心玩意兒。這些限量版奧利奧（呵呵，它們配叫奧利奧嗎）香草餅乾的夾心是半熒光橙半黃的玉米糖，用上了普通玉米糖的人造顏色和味道。一個倒黴的美國國家公共廣播電臺記者評價這種口味的奧利奧：“我吃別的奧利奧的時候，想來杯牛奶，但吃這些東西的時候，想來杯毒藥。”納貝斯克，我們承認雙層夾心奧利奧很不健康，但是很好吃，我們甚至能容忍你們因爲節日而跑偏創造出的柺杖糖奧利奧，但當你覺得我們需要玉米糖奧利奧這種奇葩東西的時候，你真的可以走了。

tos Macaron

7.奇多馬卡龍

This flavor "innovation" combines two foods that are each pretty good on their own into a gross fusion food that will give your taste buds nightmares. The Cheetos Macaron is the brainchild of Simon Tung and Christina Ha, who own New York City's Macaron Parlor. As with the Candy Corn Oreo, apparently Halloween is to blame for the existence of this combo.

這項口味“創新”融合了兩種非常好吃的食物，但兩者放一塊，簡直是味蕾的噩夢。奇多馬卡龍是董世文和Christina Ha發明的，他們是紐約馬卡龍店的店主。和玉米糖奧利奧一樣，這個鍋也是萬聖節背。

According to the origin story, in October of 2012, Ha (somehow) came into possession of some Cheetos dust. Already, this story sounds pretty suspect; who just happens to have Cheetos dust? But then, the tale takes an even weirder turn: Ha inexplicably decides that the perfect home for this mysteriously orphaned Cheetos dust is in a macaron! She creates a day-glo orange Cheetos-infused cookie, lightly dusted with Cheetos dust. Adding insult to injury, the white chocolate ganache filling is also infused with, you guessed it, Cheetos dust. Unsurprisingly, the bakery owners report that the flavor is polarizing—"a popular conversation starter, but not one of our top flavors." We're guessing that a lot of those conversations focus on, "Whhhhhyyyyy," "How could you," and "Please God, NO!"

這個故事是這樣的，在2012年十月，Ha（不知爲何）碰巧得到了一些奇多粉。這個故事到這裏就很可疑了，誰會碰巧得到奇多粉？但後來這個故事的走向就有點不可思議了：Ha莫名其妙地決定將這神祕的奇多粉放進馬卡龍裏，彷彿給孤兒找了個家。她往點心裏注入了黃橙橙的奇多，輕輕撒上奇多粉，就連白巧克力醬裏也加了奇多粉。不出所料，麪包店的老闆稱，大家對這個味道的爭議會很大——“會引發熱議，但這不是我們最棒的口味。”我們猜大多數的議論都會是，“臥槽？”“什麼鬼？”“我拒絕。”

pee Donut

6.思樂冰甜甜圈

We will admit our culinary expectations for 7-Eleven are not high. It's a convenience store, after all. Its regular food offerings–sad taquitos making endless rotations on grease rollers and pizza that maintains its shape, and grim vigil, seemingly for weeks at a time—don't exactly inspire confidence, let alone foodie dreams. But this province of snacks destined to be consumed only by drunken frat boys in a 3:00 AM haze was the evil we knew. What we didn't know was that there was the possibility of something even worse lurking out there on the 7-Eleven food horizon—the Wild Cherry Slurpee Donut.

首先，我們對711便利店的食物期望值並不高，畢竟，這是一家便利店。在塗滿油的滾動機上不停滾動的墨西哥玉米卷和披薩，一直保持着固定形狀，看着很糟糕，感覺像放了好幾個星期——他們家正常的食物都拿不出手，美食家瞧都不會瞧的。這種醉鬼們凌晨3點吃的點心對我們而言跟噩夢一樣。當然我們可能不知道，有一種更噁心的食物潛藏在711便利店裏——野櫻桃思樂冰甜甜圈（思樂冰：711便利商店研製的碎冰飲品）。

Just try to say "Slurpee Donut" aloud without shuddering involuntary. Yep, you can't. But that didn't stop the good people at 7-Eleven from dreaming it up and putting it into production. Finally, a product for all the folks out there who ever sucked down a Slurpee and thought "Darn! That just felt too…healthy!" or "Gosh, what that needed was more sugar. A lot more sugar!" As part of a limited-time promotion, 7-Eleven rolled out a product that the world wishes it had never seen–the Wild Cherry Slurpee Donut, a pink cake donut flecked with bits of cherry and topped with wild-cherry icing and pink sugar crystals that are intended to add an "ice-like crunch." One Washington Post review declared that the donut offered the "eau de Robitussin" flavor of a traditional Slurpee, and noted the icing was "particularly antiseptic," but also said, "You kind of have to admire the reckless stoner abandon of the concept." No, no we don't.

“思樂冰甜甜圈”這個名字就能讓人起雞皮疙瘩了，但這並不能阻止711“優秀”的員工將它從夢想變爲現實。最終這個面向大衆的產品出爐了。所有吃過思樂冰的人都覺得“這尼瑪也太……健康了吧！”或者“天吶，這得更甜一點，不對，得更甜很多！”711推出的限時促銷產品——野櫻桃思樂冰甜甜圈——幾乎被全世界拒絕。粉紅色的甜甜圈上點綴着櫻桃，再撒上野櫻桃味的粉紅色冰糖鑽，想營造一種“冰一樣易碎”的感覺。華盛頓郵報的一則評論稱，甜甜圈的味道是傳統思樂冰的蜂蜜咳嗽糖漿味，冰是“特別的防腐劑”，但也說，“這種不計後果的任性做法還是挺值得欣賞的”。可是我們並不需要。