職場雙語:千奇百怪的翹班高招
Now that summer vacation season is just a memory, and winter cold-and-flu season is looming, it's a good time to contemplate people's reasons for calling in to say that they are just not planning to show up.
夏天假期已經悄悄過去，寒冷難耐、流感橫行的冬天即將來臨。盤點人們形形色色的請假理由，現在正是時候。Of course, no sane manager expects 100% attendance from everybody all the time. Life doesn't work that way. Have I ever told you about the time I tripped over my dog and had to go to the emergency room to get 17 stitches? No? Well, of course not. Who wants to admit to being unable to navigate a room without tripping over a dog?
當然，但凡理智的老闆都不會期望所有員工的出勤率都保持在100%。這是不現實的。我有沒有說過我曾經被狗絆了一跤，結果去急診室縫了17針？這樣的糗事我當然不會聲張了，誰願意主動承認在自己家裏還會被狗絆倒摔一跤呢？And while we're on this thread, here's another thing: Who doesn't take a mental-health day every once in a while? Answer (you know it): A really scary person you would not want to be around. Or work for.
既然說到這個問題，還有一件事：誰敢說自己不會每隔一段時間就會有一天精神恍惚？如果真有這樣的人，那他肯定非常恐怖，不會有人願意與他打交道。更別提一起共事了。
We get it. Really. But there are limits.
所以，對於請假我們都非常理解。但凡事總有限度。Or are there? Job site CareerBuilder recently asked 2, 696 human resources managers and 4, 384 full-time employees for the "most unusual" reasons for absence that they had heard, seen, or perpetrated. The researchers got some intriguing answers. Here are a few:
但事實果真如此嗎？最近，求職網站凱業必達（CareerBuilder）對2,696名人力資源經理和4,384名全球員工進行了調查，徵詢他們聽說的、見過的或者自己用過的“最不同凡響”的缺勤理由。調查人員得到了一些有趣的答案。比如：The employee:
員工：Fell out of bed and broke his nose
從牀上掉下來，摔破了鼻子Caught a cold from a puppy
感染了“狗流感”Got sick from eating too much at a party
參加派對吃得太多，吃壞了肚子Had to go to the hospital after accidentally drinking antifreeze
不小心喝了防凍液，不得不去醫院就醫Hurt his back chasing a beaver
捉海狸的時候傷到了背部Got his toe caught in a vent cover
腳趾頭被排氣孔給卡住了Developed a headache from attending too many garage sales
瘋狂趕場參加舊貨交易，結果導致頭痛There is a special category for absentees that were victims of peculiar accidents:
而有一些缺勤者給出的理由更是匪夷所思：Bats got into the employee's hair.
蝙蝠鑽進了頭髮A refrigerator fell on the employee.
冰箱倒了，砸在身上A bucket filled with water crashed through the ceiling of a bowling alley and hit the employee on the head.
一隻裝滿水的水桶砸破保齡球館的屋頂，恰好又砸在自己的頭上A deer bit the employee while he was hunting.
打獵時被一隻鹿咬傷了While the employee's hamster was giving birth, she was so sickened by the process that she (the employee, not the hamster) passed out.
寵物倉鼠要產崽，整個過程讓人噁心不已，於是，她（員工本人，而不是倉鼠）暈了過去。If there were a prize, it would have to go to a chef who, in his lucrative job as second-in-command in the kitchen of a prestigious high-volume restaurant, "had pre-existing allergies he chose not to disclose to us, " said the person who hired him.
當然，如果對請假理由進行評獎的話，大獎非一位大廚莫屬。他在一家著名的餐廳擔任副廚師長，這家餐廳生意火爆，而且給他的待遇也十分豐厚。他的老闆說：“他稱自己之前就有過敏症，只不過一直沒有跟我們透露。”The fellow was allergic, it turned out, to so many different comestibles that, after all his paid sick days and vacation were used up, he "ultimately was moved to a role where he didn't touch food."
原來這位大廚對許多食物過敏，於是在用完了所有帶薪病假和假期之後，他“終於找了一份不需要跟食物打交道的工作。”Okay. Plenty of chefs don't touch food (they conceptualize: their minions mince the shallots and deglaze the saucepans), but I still have one niggling question: Who accidentally drinks antifreeze? Could it have been the deer hunter who let the deer get close enough to bite him?
好吧。許多廚師都不碰食物（這是後廚的規矩 ：由下屬負責切洋蔥和清洗炒鍋之類的雜活）。但我還是不明白：誰會不小心喝防凍液呢？會不會是那個獵鹿人一直等着那隻鹿走過來咬他？Now, that is a story I would like to hear.
我倒想聽聽他們的解釋。
