他她話題:千奇百怪的公民入籍考試

There is turmoil in the strange world of citizenship tests. The UK is planning to revise its test for would-be Britons, adding questions on crucial issues such as the life of the poet Robert Browning. In France's test, introduced this month, applicants must obviously know about Brigitte Bardot. Meanwhile a recent survey by Xavier University found that more than one-third of Americans would fail their own country's naturalisation test. Only 8 per cent could name even one author of the Federalist Papers. And Denmark is quietly scrapping its test. No wonder that no country seems quite happy with its citizenship test. Being a citizen has little to do with what's in your head.

千奇百怪的公民入籍考試領域目前出現了動盪。英國正計劃修訂針對入籍申請者的考試，增加一些關鍵的問題，如詩人羅伯特•勃朗寧(Robert Browning)的生平。在本月推出的法國公民入籍考試中，申請者顯然必須瞭解碧姬·巴鐸(Brigitte Bardot)。與此同時，澤維爾大學(Xavier University)最近的一項調查顯示，超過三分之一的美國人可能通不過本國的入籍考試。只有8%的人能夠說出《聯邦黨人文集》(Federalist Papers)的任何一名作者。同時丹麥正在悄悄放棄該國的入籍考試。難怪沒有哪個國家似乎對其公民入籍考試非常滿意。成爲一個國家的公民與頭腦裏裝了什麼沒有太大關係。

Tests for wannabe immigrants or citizens came into vogue in the era after September 11 2001. Most seemed designed to weed out Muslim fundamentalists. The Netherlands made this most explicit: along with its test, it released an integratiefilm featuring a gay wedding and topless Dutchwomen. These images were presumably meant to shock Muslims out of coming to the Netherlands, just as they would have shocked most Dutch people of a generation ago. The idea was so brilliant that the anti-immigrant Danish People's Party proposed sticking breasts into Denmark's film. However, the Dutch soon had to offer a breast-free version of their film, after discovering that diligent, aspirant Dutchmen caught with the hardcore version in, say, Afghanistan, might get into difficulty.

針對移民或公民申請者的考試，是在2011年9月11日之後流行起來的。多數此類考試似乎意在淘汰穆斯林原教旨主義者。荷蘭的態度最爲明確：除了實行考試製度外，還發行一部帶有同性戀婚禮和無上裝婦女鏡頭的荷蘭生活宣傳片。這些畫面想必是爲了嚇走穆斯林，使他們不敢來荷蘭（一代人以前，這些畫面也會嚇着大部分荷蘭人）。這個創意如此"高超"，以至於反對移民的丹麥人民黨(Danish People's Party)也提議在該國電影中加入乳房畫面。然而，荷蘭很快發現，有志成爲荷蘭人的勤奮的、有上進心的外國人如果在阿富汗這樣的地方被發現帶着這種片子，可能會遇到麻煩。於是，荷蘭不得不刪除宣傳片中的乳房鏡頭。

The Iraqi refugee Rodaan al Galidi, who wrote a prizewinning novel in Dutch, failed the Netherlands' integration test. He explained afterwards: "I don't know when a woman gets her period after a miscarriage, because I have never been pregnant. I can prove that."

曾經用荷蘭語寫了一部獲獎作品的伊拉克難民盧達恩∙阿爾∙加里迪(Rodaan al Galidi)沒能通過入籍考試。後來他解釋說："我不知道女士在流產之後什麼時候會再來例假，因爲我從未懷孕過。我可以證明。"

Other countries took the high road. The UK felt that prospective Britons should have some familiarity with the Magna Carta. At a debate on the matter in London, someone asked who in the room had actually read the Magna Carta. Of the several hundred overeducated Londoners present, only two or three raised their hands.

其他國家選擇比較陽春白雪的內容。英國認爲準英國人應該熟悉《大憲章》(Magna Carta)。在倫敦關於這個話題的一場辯論中，有人問在場的人中誰真正讀過《大憲章》，在場的幾百位受過高等教育的倫敦人中只有兩三個人舉手。

Every country has made much the same discovery: few natives can answer basic constitutional questions. The German Green politician Volker Beck said Germany's citizenship test "expects knowledge that Germans only have after they've studied law for a semester".

每個國家都得出了同樣的結論：土生土長的人中很少有人能夠回答基本的憲法問題。德國綠黨政界人士富克爾•貝克(Volker Beck)表示，德國的公民入籍考試"要求掌握德國人需要學過一學期的法律才能具備的知識。"

Immigrants memorise the answers, and generally pass, though it's doubtful how much knowledge sticks. A Filipina I know recently attended her day-long "citizenship course" in Paris. That evening I asked her what she'd learnt. There was this European organisation, she said, which excluded Turkey. Or maybe, she added, it included Turkey. What had most impressed her that day were the constant meal breaks, which may indeed be the best introduction to Frenchness.

移民們通過死記硬背，一般能夠通過考試，儘管他們真正消化吸收了多少知識令人懷疑。我認識的一個菲律賓女士最近參加了巴黎一個全天的"公民課程"。當天晚上我問她都學到了什麼。她說，有一個什麼歐洲的組織，不包括土耳其，後來她又補充說，可能也包括土耳其在內。那天給她印象最深刻的是接二連三的進餐休息時間，這或許的確是引導她熟悉法國生活方式的最好方式。

The most famous story about citizenship tests points up their essential wrongness. In 1947, the great Austrian logician Kurt Gödel went to a hearing in Trenton, New Jersey, to acquire American citizenship. His friends Albert Einstein and the economist Oskar Morgenstern came along. The story has long been shrouded in myth, but "the lost Morgenstern document", containing Morgenstern's 1971 memories of the affair, surfaced some years ago. We now know what happened.

有個關於公民資格考試的最著名故事，讓我們看出此類考試的根本缺陷。1947年，偉大的奧地利邏輯學家庫爾特•哥德爾(Kurt Gödel)前往美國新澤西州特倫頓(Trenton)參加聽證會，以獲得美國國籍。他的朋友阿爾伯特•愛因斯坦(Albert Einstein)和經濟學家奧斯卡•摩根斯坦(Oskar Morgenstern)也陪他前往。這個故事長期被披上傳奇外衣，但丟失的"摩根斯坦文檔"（記載着摩根斯坦1971年對那次考試的回憶）前些年又找到了。現在我們知道當時發生了什麼。

Gödel had taken the hearing seriously. "Since he is a very thorough man," recorded Morgenstern, "he started informing himself about the history of the settlement of North America by human beings. That led gradually to the study of the History of American Indians, their various tribes, etc."

哥德爾很重視那次聽證會。"由於他是個特別較真的人，"摩根斯坦回憶道，"他開始研究人類在北美定居的歷史。這慢慢地又讓他考察上了美洲印第安人的歷史、他們的不同部落等問題。"

Eventually Gödel got to the American constitution, and made a terrifying discovery: a malevolent president could exploit a loophole and set up as a fascist dictator! Ah, said Einstein and Morgenstern, best not to raise this at the hearing.

最後，哥德爾查閱了美國《憲法》，並得出了一個令人恐怖的發現：一個心存邪念的總統可能利用其中的一個漏洞，讓自己成爲法西斯主義獨裁者！算了吧，愛因斯坦和摩根斯坦都說，你在聽證會上最好別提這一點。

Morgenstern drove them all to Trenton. In the car, Einstein teased: "Now, Gödel, are you really well prepared for this examination?" As Einstein had intended, the remark made Gödel even more anxious.

摩根斯坦開車載着大家來到了特倫頓。在車裏，愛因斯坦拿哥德爾取樂："哥德爾，現在你當真對這次考試準備充分了嗎？"正如愛因斯坦所料，這話讓哥德爾愈發焦慮了。

In Trenton, the judge asked Gödel where he came from. "Where I come from? Austria," replied Gödel in heavy Teutonic tones. The judge asked him about Austria's form of government. Gödel explained: "It was a republic, but the constitution was such that it finally was changed into a dictatorship."

到了特倫頓，法官問哥德爾從哪裏來。哥德爾用濃重的日耳曼口音回答："我從哪裏來？從奧地利來。"法官又問他奧地利是什麼政體。哥德爾解釋道："奧地利是共和政體，但憲法是如此的無力，結果變成了一個獨裁國家。"

"Oh! This is very bad," said the judge, and added consolingly: "This could not happen in this country." "Oh yes it can!" shouted Gödel, "I can prove it." Whereupon Einstein, Morgenstern and the judge hastily shut him up, and the hearing concluded. That's because these tests require only memorised factual answers. Any deeper knowledge creates trouble.

法官表示，"哦，這可太不幸了。"然後如釋重負地表示："這種情況不可能會發生在美國。""不對，美國有可能發生，"哥德爾喊了出來，"我可以證明這一點！"法官、愛因斯坦所和摩根斯坦都趕緊讓他閉嘴，聽證會就此結束。這是因爲，應對這類考試只需要背誦事實型答案。更深入的知識會招來麻煩。

And even a modest factual test is probably pointless. It would be nice to live in a polis where all citizens have some familiarity with the Magna Carta, but we never will. To be a citizen, it doesn't matter what you know, or what crazy stuff you have in your head. If you believe homosexuals are infidels, that's fine. In a democracy you can believe what you like. You just can't act on certain beliefs.

即便是考察對事實瞭解程度的難度不大的考試，也很可能毫無意義。要是能生活在每名公民都對《大憲章》有所瞭解的城邦裏，將是一件很理想的事，但我們永遠也辦不到。要成爲一名公民，無論你瞭解多少知識，或者你心裏裝了哪些瘋狂的想法，這都不要緊。如果你認爲同性戀者是異教徒，那也沒關係。在民主國家裏，你有信仰的自由。你只是不可以依照某些信仰去行事。

Penniless governments could save themselves some cash by ceasing to examine people's minds.

一文不名的政府也可能省下一點錢，別再審查人們心裏在想些什麼了。