職場雙語:八個被遺忘的求職祕訣
These are tough economic times in America and elsewhere. If you're like me, you're saving money any way you can. I've cancelled my cable, invested in a good pair of binoculars and started watching my neighbor's TV. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
現在美國經濟正處於艱難時期，其他地方也一樣。如果你像我，也處於這種境況，你肯定會絞盡腦汁去省錢。我取消了有線電視服務，花錢買了一副不錯的望遠鏡，開始看我鄰居家的電視。非常時期就得采取非常措施。In this harsh economic climate, it's important to have a job, any job. But finding a job isn't easy, especially since so many companies are giving their employees—even the male ones—pink slips. Competition for jobs is so intense that chess champ Vishwanathan Anand has been flooded with application all because someone wrote that he has "good openings."
在這麼艱難的經濟環境下，有一份工作是非常重要的，無論是什麼工作。但找一份工作不容易，特別是有那麼多公司都給他們的僱員發出“粉紅紙片（解僱通知書）”——即使是男僱員也會收到。求職競爭的激烈程度可以參照國際象棋大師維斯瓦納坦•阿南德的情況，他最近快被無數的應聘信給淹沒了，這一切皆源於有人寫他有“好的空缺職位（開局）”。（編者注：“opening”既指象棋的“開局”，也有“空缺職位”之意。）With all the competition, it's vital for job seekers to give themselves an edge. That's why I've decided to offer a few tips to help people stand out from the crowd. Some of these tips may seem obviou but, trust me, they're often overlooked.
競爭對手如雲，求職者給自己增加一些優勢是很重要的。所以我決定提供一些提示，幫助大家脫穎而出。某些提示可能看起來顯而易見，但是，相信我，它們經常都被忽視了。
Tip 1: Learn to speak English. When the economy was strong, some folks were able to find decent jobs in America by knowing just three words of English: "Me want job." Other realizing the importance of grammar, tried a little harder: "Me wants job." These day three words of English aren't enough to secure a job in any part of America outside Miami. Job seekers must learn at least six word particularly these six: "Would you like fries with that?" They may seem like easy word but some immigrants really struggle with them. A few have been fired from fast-food restaurants for repeatedly asking customer "Would you like flies with that?" The restaurant as you can imagine, received many customer complaint such as the one from a West Virginia man who threw his meal at the manager, shouting: "I thought I was getting flies with my burger, not fries."
提示一：學講英語。經濟繁榮的時候，一些人僅僅憑着這三個英語單詞：“Me want job（我要工作）”就可以在美國找到體面的工作。而其他那些意識到語法重要性的人，則會稍稍努力一下，說出：“Me wants job（我想要工作）”。但這些年頭裏，在美國的任何一個地方，邁阿密除外，這三個英語單詞已經不足以用來保住工作了。求職者一定要學會至少六個英語單詞，特別是這六個：“Would you like fries with that？（你喜歡配炸薯條嗎？）”這些詞看起來可能很簡單，但有些移民真的拿這幾個單詞沒轍。有些在快餐店工作的人就因爲反覆詢問顧客“你喜歡配‘蒼蠅’嗎”而被解僱了。你可以想象一下，那些餐館收到了多少顧客的投訴，甚至於有個來自西維吉尼亞州的男人將他的餐食直接扔向經理，吆喝道：“不是說這漢堡的配菜是蒼蠅嗎，咋又配薯條了。”Tip 2: Go easy on the tattoos and body piercing. Two or three are OK, but when your entire body is green, the only people you're likely to impress are environmentalists. Well, perhaps a few others too, but they probably won't offer you a job, unless one of them is a farmer and, with planting season coming around, needs another scarecrow. (Ye I know: some tattoos are works of art. In fact, Leonardo Da Vinci first tattooed the Mona Lisa on a friend's backside. Unfortunately nipple rings weren't common in those day so he couldn't hang his friend in a gallery.)
提示二：少弄點紋身，少穿幾個環。兩三個是可以接受的，但是如果你渾身上下都紋得青青綠綠的，能取悅的也就只有那些環保人士了。嗯，可能還有那麼一些人會對你印象深刻的，但他們很可能不會給你一份工作，除非他們之中有人是個農場主，正值農忙季節，需要多一個稻草人。（是的，我知道：有一些紋身是藝術品。事實上，列奧納多•達•芬奇最開始是把《蒙娜•麗莎》紋在一個朋友的後背上的。很不幸的是乳環在那時候還不普遍，所以他沒法把朋友掛在畫廊裏。）Tip 3: Put your best foot forward at the job interview. This can be hard, especially if your feet look the same. Your friends can probably help you figure out which foot is better, but if you're still unsure, consult a podiatrist.
提示三：面試的時候“把你最好的一隻腳放在前面（全力以赴）”。這樣做可能很困難，特別是當你的兩隻腳看起來都一樣的話。你的朋友也許可以幫你找出哪隻腳更好，但如果你還是無法確定的話，那麼就找個足病醫生諮詢一下吧。Tip 4: Dress for success. Too many people, unfortunately, dress for failure. Don't expect Chase Bank to hire you if you're wearing a T-shirt that says "Go bonkers!" The least you can do is change the second "o" to an "a".
提示四：穿着得體。很不幸的是，太多人的穿着都很糟糕。如果你穿着一件寫有“Go bonkers!（瘋了！）”字樣的T恤，那可別奢望美國大通銀行會聘用你。你至少可以把第二個字母“o”改成“a”吧。（編者注：此指將“bonkers”改成“bankers”，則標語意思就變成“勇往直前吧，銀行家！”）Tip 5: Groom yourself well. If you're a man, it's probably a good idea to trim your nail mustache and any unruly locks of nose hair. If you're a woman, resist the temptation to dye your hair orange—unless you're applying for a job as a traffic cone.
提示五：好好整理儀容。如果你是一位男士，那麼修剪一下你的指甲、鬍子以及那些不羈亂長的鼻毛。如果你是一位女士，那麼請抵制住將頭髮染成橙色的誘惑——除非你想申請做交通路錐。Tip 6: Try to smell good. The most important thing you can do to smell good is take a bath, even if you've already taken one this year. You can practice water conservation AFTER the interview. A little perfume or cologne would also help, but don't empty the bottle, unless you want to spend your day reviving the interviewer.
提示六：儘可能地讓自己氣味宜人。要達到這個目的，最重要的是去洗個澡，即使你今年已經洗過澡了。你可以在面試之後再節約用水。噴一點香水或者古龍水是有幫助的，但是千萬別把一整瓶都噴光了，除非你想花一整天的時間去使那個被你薰暈的面試官甦醒。Tip 7: Do some research. Employers are impressed when you know something about them. You might want to find out, for example, what they do. Don't ask the manager of Cracker Barrel how heavy the barrels are. And don't ask the recruiter at Samsung what exactly it was that Sam sung.
提示七：事先了解一下背景資料。對僱主有所瞭解，能留下不錯的印象。你可能需要去了解，譬如說，他們是做什麼的。不要問Cracker Barrel（“餅乾桶”）鄉村餐廳連鎖集團的經理有關“餅乾桶有多重”的問題。也不要問韓國三星集團的招聘官到底“山姆在唱什麼歌”。（編者注：此指將三星集團的英文名稱“Samsung”拆開變成了“Sam sung（山姆唱歌）”）Tip 8: Don't do drugs. Most employers test for drugs and if you fail the test, you won't get a second chance, unless you're in the National Football League. If you like to get high several times a week, apply for a job as a flight attendant. It's safer and it won't deplete your bank account. Just be careful how you greet the passengers: "Good morning! Hope you have a good fright!"
提示八：不要沾染毒品。大部分僱主都會做毒品測試，如果你過不了這個測試，那麼你就沒有第二次機會了，除非你是美國國家橄欖球聯盟裏的人。如果你想一個星期享受幾次“飄飄然”的感覺，那就去應聘空中乘務員的工作吧。這份工作更安全，又不會耗盡你的銀行存款。只是在問候乘客的時候要注意點：“早上好！希望你們有一次愉快的‘灰行’旅程！”（編者注：此指因發音不準而將“flight（飛行）”誤說爲“fright（驚嚇）”。）
