男朋友經常不回消息,怎麼辦?

First, it's just one text that goes unanswered.

先是一條短信，TA沒回。

Then, it's 10. Your calls go to voicemail and the silence grows deeper by the minute. You may start to worry: Could something have happened to your friend? What else could explain their sudden disappearance?

然後就變成了十條。你打去的電話沒人接，時間一分分過去，沉默越來越深。這時你可能開始擔憂了：是你的朋友出了什麼意外嗎？不然怎麼會突然沒了消息呢？

Eventually, a social media update or a mutual friend will give you the answer. Your former confidant is alive and well.

後來，社交媒體上出現了一條動態，或者你們的共同好友讓你知道了答案：你從前的那位好朋友還活着，而且過得很好。

But they have just vanished from your life. They are ghosting you.

只是，他從你的生活中突然消失了。他對你玩了一回“神隱”。

Ghosting, which means cutting off all communication without offering an explanation, has only recently entered the popular lexicon. But it's a behavior likely as old as human interactions have existed.

“神隱”，意思是不做任何解釋就切斷所有聯繫。這個詞最近剛流行起來。不過，“神隱”這種行爲的歷史可能和人類交往的歷史一樣悠久。

The term originated in the context of dating, but ghosting also occurs in friendships and is even becoming a noticeable trend in professional relationships.

“神隱”，這一說法最初源於情場，但現在朋友之間也會“神隱”，甚至在職場上它也形成了一股令人矚目的風潮。

A number of employers "said that they had been ghosted, a situation in which a worker stops coming to work without notice and then is impossible to contact," the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago noted in December's Beige Book, a report tracking employment trends.

芝加哥聯邦儲備銀行在去年十二月的一份就業趨勢報告Beige Book中寫道，不少僱主已經“自稱被神隱了，下屬不打招呼就不來上班了，而且怎麼都聯繫不上”。

Ghosting is common and can happen to anyone.

“神隱”挺常見的，任何人都可能遇到。

A study of 1,300 people, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2018, found that about a quarter of the participants had been ghosted by a partner, while one-fifth reported that they had ghosted someone themselves.

2018年《社會和人際關係》雜誌上刊登了一項針對1300人的研究，其中有四分之一都自稱被伴侶“神隱”過，五分之一自稱“神隱”過別人。

Ghosting in friendships may be even more common; more than a third of study participants reported that they had ghosted a friend or had been ghosted by one.

朋友間的“神隱”可能更普遍，有超過三分之一的研究對象都自稱“神隱”過朋友或被朋友“神隱”過。

These figures may be even higher, as another 2018 survey found that 65 percent of participants reported previously ghosting a partner, and 72 percent reported that their partner had ghosted them.

真實的數字可能比這還高：另有一項2018年的調查顯示，有65％的研究對象說自己”神隱“過伴侶，72％說自己被伴侶”神隱“過。

Ghosting is a strategy that may have gained popularity via new technology, as texting, online dating and social media have changed the way people connect, as well as how romantic partners find each other.

“神隱”這種手段也許是隨着新技術流行開來的。信息、線上約會和社交媒體改變了人和人聯結的方式，也改變了人們找對象的方式。

Today, people can go on dates with someone they would have never met otherwise, rather than meeting them at a corner store or at their friends' gatherings.

如今，人們可以和從前絕不可能認識的人約會，而不必指望着在街角商店或是在朋友家的聚會上相識。

Without a mutual social network tying two strangers together, it's easier to just drop everything and vanish without any consequences, Tara Collins, an associate professor ofpsychology at Winthrop University in Rock Hill, South Carolina, told LiveScience.

美國南卡羅來納州石山市溫所普大學心理學系的副教授Tara Collins告訴Live Science，沒有了共同的社交網絡維繫兩個陌生人，人們很容易就會拋下一段關係並就此消失。

When being ghosted, people often take it to reflect on themselves — their own wrong behavior, imperfections and flaws. But ghosting actually reveals more about the personality of the ghoster than the ghostee.

被“神隱”的人常常會反省自己做錯了什麼、哪裏不夠完美或是有缺陷。但實際上，“神隱”更多地揭示了“神隱”者的特質，而非被“神隱”者。

"The people who do not like to have emotional closeness, they're probably more likely to ghost," Collins said.

“那些不喜歡親密情緒的人，更有可能會‘神隱’。”科林斯說。

But there are many other factors and personality traits involved in leading people to ghost.

但是，還有其它因素和人格特質會導致“神隱”行爲。

In a 2018 study, researchers divided people into: those who have a fixed mindset about the future, believe in destiny and think that a relationship is either meant to be or not; and those who have a growth mindset and believe relationships take work to grow.

在2018年的一項研究中，研究者將對象分成了兩組：一組對未來抱有固定心態，他們相信宿命，認爲一段感情的成敗早已註定；另一組懷着成長心態，認爲戀情需要努力經營才能發展。

People with stronger destiny beliefs were 60 percent more likely than the other group to see ghosting as an acceptable way to end a relationship and were more likely to do it.

有強烈宿命感的一組認爲“神隱”是分手的恰當方式的比率比另外那組高出了60％，他們也更可能在戀愛中選擇“神隱”。

Those with stronger growth beliefs were 40 percent less likely than the destiny group to say that ghosting was acceptable, according to the study, which was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

更相信感情成長的那組認同“神隱”的比例則比宿命組低了40％。這項研究已經發表在《社會與人際關係》雜誌上。

Lack of communication leaves people in a mind-boggling limbo where they don't know how to act and respond.

缺乏溝通還會把人拋進一個迷失躊躇的困境，使他們不知道該如何應對。

"Social cues allow us to regulate our own behavior accordingly, but ghosting deprives you of these usual clues and can create a sense of emotional dysregulation where you feel out of control," Jennice Vilhauer, psychologist at Emory University, wrote in Psychology Today.

埃默裏大學的心理學家Jennice Vilhauer在《今日心理學》雜誌上寫道：“社交線索是調節自身行爲的標杆。而‘神隱’斬斷了這些常見的線索，會使你感覺到情緒失調，對行爲也失去了控制。”

All of this can be particularly difficult for people who are sensitive to feelings of uncertainty and ambiguity.

對不確定性和模棱兩可比較敏感的人，對此會格外難受。

These people not only have to manage the pain of rejection but also face the stress generated by the mountain of unresolved questions — Was it something they did that ended the relationship? Did they offend their friend? Did their partner leave them for someone else?

他們不僅要消化被拒絕的痛苦，還要負擔堆積如山的未解之謎造成的壓力：是自己做錯了什麼才使關係結束了嗎？是自己惹朋友不開心了嗎？還是TA離開自己跟別人走了？