和男性約會前必須瞭解的十件事(下)

are His Physical Expectations?

5.雙方生理期望值是多少？

If you can figure out what a guy's physical expectations are early on, you can save yourself from a lot of confusion and embarrassment later. Everyone has a different mindset and comfort level in terms of how fast a relationship should move physically. If you are a gal who plans to wait until marriage to give yourself to a man, then you might not be compatible with a guy who sees sex as an important part of getting to know someone. Similarly, if one of you is ready to have sex after the first date and the other won't be ready until they are in love, then the situation could get awkward.

如果能儘早瞭解到雙方對交往後發生性關係是什麼態度，或許就能避免日後接觸帶來的麻煩和問題，每個人觀念、思維方式不盡相同，對一段感情發展到何種地步可以有肌膚之親的界定也有所差異。一些人認爲了解彼此身體對促進彼此關係十分必要，那麼對於一定要等到結婚才能同牀共枕，相對保守的女性來說，這類人就應該從適婚名單上抹去了。與之類似的，一些人第一次約會就想把對方帶回家過夜，而對方如果認爲對方太急躁、居心不軌，必須先有愛再有性，那麼接下來的交往可想而知了。

Find out what a guy's physical expectations are, and relate your own as well. If you are both on the same page and know where each other stands, then you can avoid a situation where one party is putting themselves out there only to be rejected. While it is not a good feeling to be rejected, it's equally uncomfortable being the one doing the rejecting. It's a delicate balancing act turning someone away while still ensuring them that you do like them and find them desirable. By negotiating boundaries early on, you can tackle the issue before it becomes a problem. A Business Insider Poll asked 1,660 single American men and women about their views on sex and dating. One of their questions asked, "How many dates do you need to wait before you sleep with someone?" Perhaps not surprisingly, men overwhelmingly responded with fewer dates than women did. Since there is such an obvious discrepancy between expectations, learning them early on is important.

瞭解對方的生理期望值、對性的態度，看看兩人是否觀念一致。如果兩個人步調一致，都很清楚對方的需求，那麼當其中一人提出性需求時往往可以從戀人那裏得到滿足。事實上，不僅被拒絕是件鼻子碰灰的事兒，同時拒絕的人心裏也不舒坦。在戀愛關係中，性的發展十分脆弱而又微妙，雙方要拿捏好分寸，在表達濃濃愛意的同時又能滿足性需求。一段關係最好在發展之初就瞭解清楚各自對身體接觸、性需求的接納程度，防危機於未然最好。美國一家機構曾做過一次內部調查，就性和戀愛的問題採訪了1660位單身男女，其中一個問題是約會多少次後和對方上牀才比較合適？數據統計結果和人們的預想差不多，男性認定的次數全部高於女性給出的答案。由此可見，男女之間對性、戀愛的看法存在很大差異。相比其他方面如愛好、朋友圈，及早了解性尤爲重要啊！

Kind of Future does He Want?

4.他想要什麼樣的未來

If you are going to spend your time dating someone, you should know what the desired outcome is. If you are only interested in a summer fling, this may not be important. But if you are interested in finding someone to spend your life with, then it's important to know what that life would look like down the line. The first step is to have a clear understanding of what kind of future you want for yourself. Then you can learn what he wants and see if the two align.

在你想要和一個人約會前，首先應該明白你想要一個什麼樣的結局。如果你只是想要一種消遣，那麼這一點可以忽略。但如果你想要與一個人白頭偕老，那麼瞭解彼此以後的生活軌跡就是非常重要。首先你要對自己想要的未來有一個清楚地認知，然後就可以瞭解他的想法，接下來再考慮你們的未來是否相契合。

Find out what kind of future your guy wants. Does he want to be in an exclusive relationship, or does he enjoy casual dating? Does he ever see himself getting married, or is he afraid of making a commitment like that? If you have been dreaming about your wedding since you were a little girl, you likely won't be happy dating someone who never wants to be married. Find out what he wants out of his life. Does he desire a fast-tracked career where he will work tirelessly to climb up the corporate ranks? Does he gauge his success by how much money he makes or how many things he owns? If his life's focus will be on his career and not his family, then he may not be the ideal match for you. Or perhaps you've found a guy who can't wait to get married and start a family. Maybe he grew up with 10 siblings and wants to raise a family just as large. If that's not something that is in the cards for you, then it's best to find out early.

要了解他想要什麼樣的未來。他是專一而執着，抑或僅是一時興起。他會考慮與你結婚，還是會刻意逃避這樣的話題。如果你在少女時就懷着擇一人終老的美好願望，那麼當你與一個只是一時興起的人相愛，就不會快樂。要了解他在生活之外的想法。他是不是一個事業心強的人？想要通過自己不斷努力獲得快速晉升的機會？他是根據什麼來衡量自己的成功的，是賺錢的多少還是擁有的多少？如果他的生活重心在事業而不是家庭，那麼他可能並不是一個好的配偶。可能你找到的是一個並不想跟你結婚組建家庭的男人，可能他是一個在大家庭長大的孩子，因此他希望自己也能有很多的孩子，也能組建一個大家庭。如果這些並不是你想要的，那麼你一定要及時止損。

are the People He Surrounds Himself With?

3.他周圍是一些什麼樣的人

Oftentimes, you can tell the most about a person by the company he keeps. The type of friends that your guy hangs with can give you a ton of insight into the type of person he is. Most people have a few close friends who each serve different purposes in their life.

通常你可以通過他的朋友瞭解到這是一個什麼樣的人。他朋友的類型一般可以反映出他的性格。大部分人會有一些很親密的朋友，這些朋友在他們生活都扮演着重要角色。

For instance, he may always go to one particular friend when he needs advice. Figure out whatever you can about their relationship to find out why. Is this friend mature and wise and capable of dishing out practical advice? Are they a simply a good listener who lets him talk it out and figure out the answer on his own? Do they give advice in a tough-love fashion, or do they coddle and indulge? In this way, you can learn what type of person he values and trusts. Similarly, learn what you can about the friends he hangs out with most, and look for what attracts him to them. Does he love the familiarity and comfort of friends he's had since elementary school? Does he hang out with energetic people who are the life of the party? Are his friends intellectuals who love nothing more than debating the latest in politics or art? Are his friends witty and funny, constantly cracking jokes to keep everyone laughing? By finding out the type of company your guy keeps, you'll have a better understanding of what personality traits he values and what type of people he likes to be around. If you share some of these personality traits then you two are likely to hit it off too. And if you can see yourself being friends with his friends, then you are likely a great match.

比如，當他需要建議的時候會去一個特定的朋友那裏尋求幫助。你要去思考他們之間是怎樣的關係是。這是一個成熟，明智，能夠提出很多建設性意見的朋友麼？這些朋友是一個單純的傾聽者，能夠讓他傾訴並指出他自身的問題？他們是出於朋友的情誼給出逆耳忠言，還是單純的溺愛和縱容？通過這樣的方式，你就可以瞭解到他在乎和相信的是什麼樣的人。同祥地，你要了解經常與他一起的是什麼樣的人，從而瞭解什麼樣的人能夠吸引他。他是喜歡能帶給他熟悉感與舒適感的兒時朋友來往？還是會和喜歡派對上精力充沛的人來往？他的朋友是睿智的，喜歡談論政治，藝術的人？還是詼諧幽默，能夠帶給大家快樂的人。通過了解他周圍的朋友，你會對這個人有一個更深入的瞭解：他的個性是怎麼樣的？他喜歡和什麼樣的人交往？如果你們能夠互相交流了解彼此的個性，那麼你們就會變得更適合。如果你能把自己的性格修煉的和他周圍的朋友一樣，你將會是一個完美的戀人。

He have an Ex-Wife or Kids?

2.他有前妻或者孩子嗎？

If a guy has an ex-wife, there might be a lot of baggage that comes along with it. It's important to know what type of relationship they currently have, especially if there are children involved. If he is able to co-parent with his ex in a healthy and constructive way, then it's a good clue that he is mature and good at handling conflict. If he turns red in the face and gets agitated at the mere mention of his ex-wife's name, then he may still be harboring a lot of anger and frustration which could spill over into your relationship.

如果他離過婚，那他應該還有不少上段婚姻遺留下來的負擔。如果他們有孩子，他們當下的關係如何就顯得尤其重要。若他能和前妻有個健康良好的關係一起撫養孩子，說明他成熟穩重，善於應對衝突。反之，若一提到他前妻他就激動的不行，氣得臉紅脖子粗，則說明他仍對這段婚姻憋着一肚子氣，心裏滿是挫敗感，那麼他很有可能會將這些負面情緒一股腦宣泄到你們的戀情中。

If your guy does have children, and you love children, then it might be an advantage of dating him. Still, there is a lot that goes into dating a man with kids. If you always dreamed of experiencing the magic of a first pregnancy and first child with someone who was equally new to the process, then this might not be the perfect someone for you.

如果對方確實有孩子，而你又恰好喜歡小孩，說不定這會成爲你的優勢。不管怎麼說，跟已經有孩子的男人在約會時會有很多顧慮。如果你一直以來憧憬跟某個人一起懷上並生養人生中第一個孩子，那麼他也許並不是你的絕佳伴侶。

does He Handle his Money?

1.他是如何理財的？

Arguing about money is the top predictor of divorce, according to a researcher at Kansas State University. She found that those who argue about money early in their relationship were at a greater risk for divorce, regardless of the couples' income, debt or net worth. So before you start seriously dating a guy, it's important to know his views on finances and how he handles his money.

一位來自堪薩斯州立大學的研究人員表示，因錢財爭吵是離婚最強烈的前兆。她發現，不管雙方收入如何，有無負債，淨資產多少，在婚姻早期就對錢財問題有過爭吵的夫妻離婚率較高。因此，在你認真地跟男方約會前，很有必要了解下他對財富的看法，以及他是如何理財的。

Find out if your guys is a spender or a saver. Does he aspire to keep up with the Joneses, or is he content to live a more simple life. Is financial security important to him, or does he prefer to live in the moment rather than save for the future? Does he value the pursuit of wealth, or would he rather donate his money to charity? Also figure out what he tends to spend his money on, and see if it matches up with your spending style and goals. Would he rather spend his money on things or on experiences? For instance, if he received a bonus at work, would he rather buy an expensive watch or get tickets to the big game? Would he rather update his car with all the bells and whistles, or spend that money on a trip to Europe? Does he spend freely on smaller purchases like lattes, lunches and gifts, or does he pinch pennies and keep his wallet shut? If someone's spending habits don't match yours, you can expect a lot of arguments over money to pop up. Follow these tips and learn what you can about a guy before you start seriously dating, and you will have a better chance of success in the long term. By figuring out the answers to these questions, you can decide if someone is just a date or a true soul mate.

弄清他是月光族還是守財奴；是沉迷於與左鄰右舍攀比，還是滿足於相對簡單的生活；經濟保障於他是不是很重要，他是喜歡活在當下還是爲未來攢錢？他是重視追求財富，還是情願捐款給福利事業？與此同時，搞清楚他傾向於在哪方面花錢，其花錢風格及目的是否與自己相符。他是願意將錢花在物質享受上還是豐富閱歷上？比如說，如果他工作得到獎勵，他會買塊昂貴的手錶還是會買一張體育賽事的高價入場券？是會爲愛車更換安全帶和喇叭，還是去歐洲旅遊？對於生活中的小額花銷，比如拿鐵，午餐及小禮物，他是會爽快掏腰包還是會精打細算，一毛不拔？如果對方花錢習慣跟你不同，可以想象會出現多少金錢方面的爭吵。根據這些提示及建議，學習在認真約會某人前，你需要了解到對方哪些信息，從長遠看，你更有可能收穫一段成功的戀情。弄清這些問題答案的同時，你可以確定下對方對於你來說只是一個約會對象，還是真正的靈魂伴侶。

審校：嘉珈 編輯：Freya然 來源：前十網