你是現代版灰姑娘嗎?

Are You A Modern Day Cinderella?

你是現代版灰姑娘嗎？

Many women model their lives after one of the most famous (and most exhausted) female characters of all, Cinderella - not the glass slipper and ball gown Cinderella but the work-her-fingers-to-the-bone-exhausted Cinderella, who desperately needs a vacation and some beauty rest.

許多女性的生活簡直是最著名（也是最累人的）的女性角色之一-"灰姑娘"的翻版。但不是穿着水晶鞋和舞會禮服的灰姑娘，而是每天干活到精疲力竭的那個灰姑娘，這些現代版的"灰姑娘"們急需一個假期和一些美容覺。

You think you are not working as hard as Cinderella?

你覺得自己並沒有灰姑娘那麼累是嗎？

When was the last time you took the day off because you felt a cold coming on? (I am not talking about lying in bed with a box of tissues and a bag of menthol cough drops because you can't function. That doesn't count.)

那你上次因爲感冒請假是什麼時候的事了？（我不是指那種抱着一盒紙巾和止咳藥水躺在牀上的情況，因爲這時你身體機能不能正常運轉，不算在之內。）

When was the last time you checked in with your needs and listened to your body's calls for help? (Upset stomach, lost sleep, anxiety, feeling the stress buzz)

你上次因爲身體不適去做檢查是什麼時候的事了？（胃部不適，失眠，焦慮或是壓力導致的耳鳴）

When was the last time you stopped to simply enjoy your day? Notice what's blooming around you. Claim a peaceful moment, sit and look out into the sky. (Ahh)

你有多久沒有停下腳步好好享受生活了？多觀察身邊的美好吧。找個寧靜的時光，坐下來靜靜細賞雲捲雲舒。

When was the last time you rested because it just feels good to be at rest?

你有多久沒有想休息就休息了？

In my new book, Stop Giving It Away, I write about a pervasive problem I call Detrimental Caretaking. First know that caretaking in and of itself is not a bad thing.

在我的新書《別再放棄》中寫道了一種普遍的問題，我將其稱爲"有害照料"。首先要了解，照料其本身並不是一件壞事。

When it comes to people, some caretaking is a necessary and natural part of life (with children and the elderly, for example). It's what comes with being a caring, compassionate, responsible person. Caretaking comes from a great place of loving and giving.

說到人的時候，照料是人生中不可或缺且自然而然的一部分（比如，對孩子或老人）。這是作爲一個有愛心、同情心和責任心的人所必須具有的特質。它來自心底的愛與給予。

We become detrimental caretakers when we:

我們在以下這些情況就變成了"有害照料者"：

1. Take care as a result of unhealthy belief systems. Everything is up to me. Without me, everything will fall apart and nothing will get done. It's all on me.

1. 帶着一種不健康的思想去照料別人。什麼事都是由我決定的。沒了我，什麼事都做不成。什麼事都得我做。

2. Make decisions based on fear, pressure, and the inability to speak up for ourselves and because we can't set boundaries. If I don't do this, he or she will be mad at me. He'll yell at me and make me feel stupid. I'll be punished in one way or another if I don't …

2. 所做的決定都基於恐懼和壓力，還有因爲無法制定界限而不敢爲自己出頭的無能。如果我不這樣做，他或她就會生我的氣。他會吼我並讓我覺得自己很蠢。如果我不這樣就會受到這樣那樣的懲罰…

3. Cover and do for people who can and should make decisions and take action for themselves. Someone has to step in-it's what's best for everyone. I can't stand by and let this happen.

3. 掩護或代替那些本該自己做出決定併爲此承擔責任的人。總要有人介入-這對所有人都最好。我不能坐視不管。

4. Take care of all these things first and at the expense-to the detriment-of ourselves. It's selfish to put my needs in front of others' needs. I was taught that's it's better to give, no matter what.

4. 一個人包攬全局，並以犧牲自我爲代價。將自我需要置於他人之前太自私了。我受到的教育是無論如何都要自我奉獻。

People who fall down the Detrimental Caretaking path don't feel good about it, but it takes some effort and increased consciousness to realize the need for change. "And you don't know what you feel; but you know it's not satisfied. (Natalie Merchant's Ladybird).

走上"有害照料者"這條路上的人們對此感覺並不好，但要讓他們意識到改變的必要還是得花些精力和意識。"你不知道感覺如何；但你明白自己對此並不滿意。"

Detrimental caretaking occurs in different degrees and can occur in one or all areas of life-home, work, life and love. Detrimental caretaking means you give in (make sacrifices) for the people and circumstances around you. It can feel like something or someone (other than you) is running your life. It doesn't have to be that way.

"有害照料"的程度或淺或深，並可能發生生活中的各個方面-家庭，工作，生活還有愛情。"有害照料"意味着你爲周圍的人或環境作出了妥協和犧牲。那感覺就如你讓別人來接管了自己的生活。而你知道這一切不必如此。