一句話總結各國料理:中餐要探問星空?大綱

From the potato-loving Irish to the pretentious French, these tumblr users perfectly poke fun at their traditions, unmasking the cornerstones of their most beloved foods.

從熱愛土豆的愛爾蘭人到裝模作樣的法國人，這些社交網友用高超的技藝惡搞了一番自己國家的飲食文化，還對傳統美食的祕方進行了揭祕。

French recipes: If you’re not making this in Paris then what’s the point.

法國料理：如果這道菜不是在巴黎做的，那就不是法國料理。

Italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of Tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house.

意大利料理：在托斯卡納這個地區的三個農場中選一個，用農場裏飼養的豬的左前腿做菜，不然從今天開始我的祖母會在你家現身喲。

American recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan, congrats you cooked.

美國料理：這種罐頭來三個，一起放進平底鍋裏，恭喜你做好了！

Chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. You want to know the exact amount? Feel it in your heart. Ask the stars. Yell into the void.

中國料理，時代相傳的喲：這種作料少許，那種作料稍許，醃漬一下。你想知道確切的分量？用你的心感受一下。問一問星空。對深淵吶喊吧！

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

希臘料理：你遵循了正確的步驟，但做出來的成果卻不對。我也不知道該說什麼。

Australian recipes: Chuck it on the barbie.

澳大利亞料理：丟到烤架上烤一烤。

Armenian recipes: Spend eight days laboring over the stove, The food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. No one will appreciate it.

亞美尼亞料理：用整整八天的時間守在爐前精心烹飪，食物因你奉獻的辛勞而香味濃郁。但沒有人會欣賞你的勞動成果。

Canadian recipes: it either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three.

加拿大料理：這道菜要麼還需要放點培根，要麼還需要楓糖漿，或者肉汁，或者再放點這三種東西詭異的混合物。

Filipino recipes: Soy sauce and vinegar everywhere.

菲律賓料理：每道菜都要加醬油和醋。

Welsh recipes: You ought to make it with this obscure type of cheese which doesn’t exist any more but you can replace it with the other obscure type of cheese from the other side of the country.

愛爾蘭料理：你應該用一種鮮爲人知的特殊奶酪來做這道菜，但這種奶酪已經沒有了，不過你可以用遠在這個國家的另一邊出產的另一種鮮爲人知的特殊奶酪作爲替代。

Slovenian recipes: Go to the garden, get some weeds, then make a soup out of it.

斯羅維尼亞料理：走到花園裏，拔點草，用它們燒一鍋湯。

Polish recipes: You have to touch the dough , feel the pierogi in your heart, touch it, lick it, smell it.

波蘭料理：你要用手觸摸那隻生麪糰，在心中感受那個波蘭餃子的存在，觸摸它，舔舔它，聞聞它。

Internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister’s third birthday that I completely made up, and a copypaste from Alton Brown.

網絡料理：附帶一個關於我小妹妹三歲生日的暖心故事，其實這個故事完全是我編造的，而且是從網絡主持人Alton Brown那裏複製粘貼來的。

Irish recipes:

愛爾蘭料理：

PO TA TOES

土——豆！

Boil them, mash them, stick them in a stew .

煮土豆，土豆泥，大鍋燉土豆！

Dutch recipes: Fry it.

荷蘭料理：炸了它！