印度官員創立婚戀網站 助艾滋病感染者成婚者

As Nisha looked at the syringe filling up with her blood, little did she know that the needle inserted in her vein was also drawing out her hope and dignity.

A pregnant Nisha was at a hospital in Parbhani, in the western Indian state of Maharashtra, for a routine blood test. But her world came crashing down when she learnt she was HIV positive.

The test results of her husband confirmed her suspicion that she had contracted the virus from him. Yet, it was she who was blamed for their condition and thrown out of the house. Her worst fears came true when her son was born HIV positive.

After her husband divorced her, she says she lost her will to live.

"I wanted to kill my son and myself," she says. "I wanted to remarry but didn't know how to find an HIV positive partner."

A few years into her ordeal, she came to know about , a free matrimonial website for HIV positive people. Saathi is the Hindi word for friend or partner.

Today, Nisha, 42, leads a normal life, having found an HIV positive husband from Kolhapur to support her and her 11-year-old son. "The site came as a ray of hope in my darkest hour," she says.

That sentiment is shared by the more than 5,000 HIV positive people registered with the website. And they all have Anil Valiv to thank for bringing them back from the brink.

Mr Valiv, 43, who founded in 2006, is a government officer with a passion for social work.

'Difficult'

Despite his demanding job in the transport department, he makes time to help those rendered lonely by the dreaded infection to find support and companionship.

During an earlier stint in Latur town, Mr Valiv started HIV tests for truck drivers, among those most at risk from HIV-Aids.

He says a doctor once told him about an HIV positive man who was desperate to get married.

"He told the doctor that if he didn't find an HIV positive match soon, he would marry a healthy woman without revealing his HIV status. The doctor was in a dilemma. That made me realise how difficult it was for such people to find a spouse."

Mr Valiv had also seen a close friend, who had contracted the virus in the early 1990s, waste away in pain, suffering and isolation.

"He was shunned by his own family. I cannot forget the longing in his eyes for a family and children. Such is the stigma attached to the infection that when he died in 2006, his father refused to light his pyre at his sparsely attended funeral."

HIV positive people are ostracised and treated inhumanely, he says, but they need help and support. "If their emotional and physical needs are unmet, they can end up spreading the infection."

Matrimonial meetings

Nearly two-thirds of those registered with his website are from rural areas. That is remarkable considering internet access in Indian villages is poor. Around 250 of those registered are Indians living abroad.

To bring HIV positive people together, Mr Valiv has also organised nearly a dozen "matrimonial meetings" for them.

Ramesh Dhongde, a 43-year-old rickshaw driver in Pune, is among the hundreds who have attended these meetings in search of hope and love.

When Mr Dhongde learnt 11 years ago that he had contracted the virus from his now dead wife, he thought it was the end of the road for him. He was most worried about the future of his only daughter.

Then, at a meeting organised by Mr Valiv two years ago, he met his current wife, a 33-year-old divorcee who works in a women's co-operative. "Returning to a normal married life has restored my confidence to fight the disease," he says.

To spread the word about these meetings, Mr Valiv prints posters with his own money and puts them up in public places.

"At the first meeting held in a hospital in Solapur, I anticipated about 300 people and arranged for their breakfast and lunch. Barely 40 came and all the food had to be distributed among the hospital's poor patients."

But the participation improved once he began collaborating with some non-governmental organisations.

When he saw that men far outnumbered women at such meetings, he offered to pay the latter's travel costs. He has already spent tens of thousands of rupees from his own pocket, but is happy that the participation of women has doubled.

He says since most participants walk in riddled with guilt and despair, it takes some effort to get them to open up.

Another problem is that despite being HIV positive, most of them insist on a match from their own caste.

"The caste consideration is strong also because many of them do not reveal their HIV status to their families, who keep putting pressure on them to get married," he says.

Women with children are not readily preferred, more so if they have daughters.

Changing lives

"My role is that of a facilitator," Mr Valiv says. "People connect through the website or during a matrimonial meeting, and then interact directly."

This makes it difficult for him to say the exact number of marriages he has helped arrange.

But based on the thank you messages and updates on the website, he believes that number to be between 200 and 400, some involving Indians living in Singapore, United Kingdom, Germany and elsewhere.

His biggest success perhaps was in 2010 when 22 people got married in one day at a meeting in Pune.

One of them was Lata, a health worker.

She was devastated when she lost her first husband to HIV in 2002. She too was diagnosed as HIV positive when she was only 26. Although her son Ravi, then a little over a year old, was HIV negative, she felt broken.

Lata brought Ravi to the meeting and there they met Vijay. A year older than her, Vijay had lost his wife to HIV and had himself been living with the virus for over 12 years.

They now have a two-year-old son Rishi, who too is HIV negative. "Our sons have made our lives worth living," says an emotional Lata.

Mr Valiv says nearly two dozen couples that he helped get married have had healthy children.

As the popularity of his website has increased, friends, well-wishers and organisations devoted to similar causes have offered help.

Mr Valiv is also using the website to bring together donors and NGOs interested in supporting HIV positive orphans.

"HIV," he says, "should not come in the way of one's right to dream."在針頭插進血管的那一刻，妮莎沒有意識到，被抽走的不僅是她的血液，還有她的尊嚴和希望。

當時，身懷六甲的妮莎正在印度西部馬哈拉施特拉邦的一家醫院裏接受常規血液檢查。當她得知自己被檢測出HIV（艾滋病毒）抗體呈陽性時，她整個人呆住了，感覺像天塌了一樣。儘管事實證明她是從丈夫處感染了艾滋病毒，但她卻被趕出家門、獨自承擔一切責備和辱罵。然而，最糟糕的是，她的兒子也被感染了。

“我想殺了兒子然後自殺。”離婚後，妮莎一度陷入絕望，“我想再婚，但我不知道去哪裏才能找到一個同樣患有艾滋病的伴侶。”孤獨熬過幾年之後，妮莎在一個名爲“陽性伴侶”（PositiveSaathi）的網站上找到了新生。

這是一個爲艾滋病感染者提供免費交友婚戀服務的網站。“在我生命中最黑暗的時刻，它給我帶來了一縷希望之光。”通過“陽性伴侶”網站，妮莎找到一名艾滋病男性患者再婚了。現在，他們一家三口重新過上了幸福的正常生活。

妮莎是“陽性伴侶”網站5000多名註冊用戶中的普通一員，對於病痛帶來的歧視和孤獨，他們被迫接受卻又奮力掙脫。2006年，阿尼爾·瓦里吾創辦了“陽性伴侶”網站，把艾滋病患者這個特殊羣體從懸崖邊拉了回來。

***伴侶難尋

現年43歲的瓦里吾是一位印度政府官員，儘管在交通部門工作，但他總是擠出時間去幫助遭到孤立和隔絕的艾滋病患者。

此前，瓦里吾曾協助醫生爲卡車司機等艾滋病感染高危人羣進行檢測。期間，他接觸了一名極其渴望結婚的艾滋病患者。“他說如果無法在短時間內找到一個同樣患有艾滋病的伴侶，就只能隱瞞病情與健康的女性結婚了。這讓我意識到，對於這個羣體，找一個伴侶是多麼困難。”

瓦里吾稱，在印度，艾滋病患者會遭到排斥，甚至遭受非人道對待，所以他們需要幫助和支持，“假如他們的情感和生理需求無法得到滿足，可能會被迫傳播艾滋病毒”。

***特殊的“相親會”

據統計，“陽性伴侶”網站近2/3的註冊用戶來自農村地區。鑑於印度農村網絡設備匱乏，這一佔比極不尋常。此外，還有大約250人是居住在海外的印度人。

爲了把這羣特殊的尋偶者聚集在一起，瓦里吾自掏腰包舉辦了近12場“相親會”。“走進會場時，他們步履沉重、內心滿是罪惡與絕望。”瓦里吾說，“我們想盡一切努力，讓他們離開時心裏重新燃起愛和希望。”

“第一場相親會在索拉普市一家醫院裏舉辦，我們準備了300人份的餐食。結果只來了40個人，多出來的飯菜只能分給醫院裏窮苦的病人。”後來，隨着瓦里吾與非政府組織展開合作，情況開始好轉，前來相親的艾滋病患者慢慢多了起來。

43歲的拉梅什·鄧德在印度西部城市普納踩人力車爲生。11年前，他得知自己被現已過世的妻子感染了艾滋病，生活自此陷入絕望。直到兩年前，他在相親會結識了現在的妻子——一一位33歲的離異女性，“重新迴歸正常的婚姻生活，讓我們重拾信心與病魔抗爭”。

***HIV不應成爲阻礙

“我的角色類似於服務提供商。人們通過網站或者相親會結識同伴，然後直接聯繫。”瓦里吾說，他不清楚自己促成了多少對“特殊夫妻”，但根據收到的答謝信和用戶在網站上更新的個人信息，確切的數目應該在200對至400對之間。

至於瓦里吾迄今取得的最大成功，則可能是在2010年，11對新人在普納舉行集體婚禮。

如今，隨着網站的知名度和用戶數逐步提升，許多志同道合的個人和組織向瓦里吾伸來援助之手。下一步，瓦里吾計劃募集更多捐款來幫助艾滋孤兒，“HIV（艾滋病毒），不應阻礙人們擁有夢想的權利”。