讓你笑cry的笨賊TOP5： 你蠢成這樣還偷啥呀

Not everyone is suited for a life of crime. Some of us avoid it because we realize that it would be wrong to engage in illegal activities. Others prefer not to risk the consequences of getting caught. And then there is another special group—people who attempt a life of crime but really shouldn’t because they are just plain bad at it.
並非所有人都適合走上犯罪的道路。有些人沒有誤入歧途是因爲他們意識到涉及違法活動是不對的；還有些人是爲了避免冒險以免陷入牢獄之災。另外還有特殊的一羣人——他們試圖走上犯罪生涯，然而沒有成功，因爲他們從事犯罪活動的技術實在不夠好。

Robber Can’t Hear Alarm
失聰盜賊聽不到警報
In August 1995, Klaus Schmidt tried to rob a bank in Berlin by walking in with a Pistol and demanding money. At one point, one of the bank employees asked the robber if he needed a bag, and he replied, “You’re damn right it’s a real gun!” This made them realize that Schmidt was deaf. Taking advantage, one employee set off the alarm. Schmidt remained oblivious.
1995年8月，Klaus Schmidt攜帶手槍走進柏林一家銀行企圖搶劫。其間一名銀行職員問劫匪是否需要一個袋子，後者回答道，“你說對了，這是把真槍！”職員們由此意識到Schmidt是個聾子。一名職員趁機按響了警報，Schmidt卻毫不知情。

Beer Catches 19 Criminals
免費啤酒誘捕19名罪犯
In 2011, Derbyshire police used a strategy by offering wanted criminals free beer. The men received notices through undercover officers informing them that they’d won a crate of beer each. To collect, they needed to contact the company that ran the promotion. Nineteen fugitives called the assigned number, setting up a time and place to collect their winnings. Tragically, there was no free beer when they turned up—just police officers ready to take them into custody.
2011年，英國德比郡警方使用了一招捉賊妙計，他們放出消息，要向那些受到通緝的嫌疑犯提供免費啤酒。這些人從臥底警察那裏獲得消息，告知他們每人都獲得了一整箱啤酒。爲了領取獎品，他們必須和舉行活動的廠家聯繫。19名嫌疑犯撥打了指定電話，和對方約好了領取獎品的時間和地點。可悲的是，當他們現身時發現，那裏沒有免費的啤酒，只有準備好收押他們的警察。

3. Robber Gives Cashier His Phone Number
劫匪把自己的電話號碼給了收銀員
In 2008, 18-year-old Ruben Zarate wanted to rob a muffler shop in Chicago. But there was a problem—most of the money was in the safe, only the manager could open it, and the manager wasn’t in. Ruben decided that he would try again later. To save himself some time, he left his cell phone number with the store employees. That way, they could call him when the manager returned.
2008年，18歲的Ruben Zarate試圖搶劫一家芝加哥的消音器商店。然而他遇到了一個問題——大部分的現金都在保險櫃裏，只有經理可以打開保險櫃，然而當時經理不在店裏。Ruben決定他稍後再來搶劫一次。爲了給自己節省一點時間，他把自己的手機號碼留給了店裏的職員。這樣，當經理回來後，他們就可以電話通知他了。

2. Robber Leaves Birth Certificate And Note From Mom
劫匪留下了出生證明和媽媽的便條
Zarate broke a basic rule for any crook: Leave nothing behind that can identify you. The man stole a wallet containing $40 in cash and the victim’s ID. However, during the struggle, he dropped two bags of his own. On the very top of one of them was his birth certificate. As if that weren’t enough, the bag also contained a letter from the robber’s mother addressed to him.
Zarate違反了盜賊手則中最基本的一條：那就是，別留下任何能指明你身份的東西。這個人偷了一個錢包，裏面有40美元的現金，還有被害人的身份證。不過，在和被害人掙扎之際，他遺落了兩個屬於自己的包。包裏一眼就能看到他的身份證明。更有甚者，包裏還有他的母親寫給他的一封信。

Worst Disguise Ever
最糟糕的僞裝

The disguise chosen by Dennis Hawkins, a 48-year-old Pittsburgh man who decided to rob a bank consisted of a woman’s blonde wig, a pair of fake breasts, and clown pants. The first problem was that the get-up revealed his face, which was captured on CCTV surveillance. You might guess that Mr. Hawkins wanted to fool people into thinking he was a woman. In that case, he should have considered getting rid of his mustache and goatee.
一位名叫Dennis Hawkins的48歲男性企圖搶劫一家匹茲堡銀行，他的僞裝包括女士的金色假髮，一對假乳，還有小丑褲。不過他的僞裝存在兩個問題，第一是他的僞裝不包括面部，以至於監視攝像頭拍攝下了他的臉。第二個問題是，人們可能猜得到他想要讓人們誤以爲自己是一名女子，然而他卻忘了刮乾淨自己的絡腮鬍和山羊鬚。