有話不敢說怎麼破?大綱

Speaking up is hard to do.

清楚表達自己的想法是很難做到的.

You see something ethically questionable. Notice someone not being included. Run up against offensive speech. Disagree with an opinion that's all too quickly become consensus. Want to add a different idea to the decision-making process.

你看到了一些道德上有問題的東西。注意到有人沒有被包括在內。反對冒犯性的言論。不同意的意見很快就會成爲共識。想要在決策過程中添加一個不同的想法。

While we'd all like to think that if we saw something, we'd say something in these situations, we are strikingly bad at anticipating how we'll feel in future circumstances and, for a whole host of cognitive reasons, it can be incredibly difficult to speak up in the moment. In fact, research suggests that most people tend to not act, and then rationalize their inaction.

雖然我們都認爲，如果我們看到了什麼，我們會在這種情況下說些什麼，但我們在預測未來環境中的感受方面表現得非常糟糕，而且，由於一系列認知上的原因，現在說出來可能是非常困難的。事實上，研究表明，大多數人傾向於不採取行動，然後解釋他們的不作爲。

But you're not really doing your job — as a diligent employee, compassionate colleague, or thoughtful leader — if you don't lend your voice to the conversation. So what can you do?

但如果你在談話中不發表意見，你就不會真正做好自己的工作-作爲一名勤奮的員工、富有同情心的同事或深思熟慮的領導者。所以你能做什麼？

First, realize how psychologically difficult — and worthwhile — speaking up can be.

首先，要意識到大聲說出來在心理上是多麼困難-而且是值得的。

Research on "realistic optimism” shows that when people set out to do difficult, personally meaningful things, they're more likely to follow through if they expect that the task will be challenging. In speaking up, as in life, one must appreciate the difference between believing you will succeed and assuming that you will do so easily.

對“現實樂觀”的研究表明，當人們開始做困難的、個人有意義的事情時，如果他們期望這項任務具有挑戰性，他們就更有可能堅持下去。在說話時，就像在生活中一樣，一個人必須理解相信你會成功和假設你會輕易成功之間的區別。

To wit: When New York University psychologist Gabriele Oettingen studied women on a weight-loss program, she found that those who thought they would succeed lost 26 more pounds than self-doubters. However, those who thought they would easily succeed lost 24 pounds less than their more realistic peers.

換句話說：當紐約大學心理學家加布裏埃爾·奧廷根研究女性減肥項目時，她發現那些認爲自己會成功的人比自以爲是的人減掉了26磅。然而，那些認爲自己很容易成功的人比更現實的同齡人減掉了24磅。

When it comes to speaking up, it's crucial to recognize that it won't necessarily feel easy to do.

說到說話，關鍵是要認識到這並不一定是一件容易的事。

Second, work to lessen the social threat that speaking up creates.

第二，努力減少直言不諱所造成的社會威脅。

Social motivation comes in five flavors: status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness. While there are individual and cultural differences in degree and expression of each domain, everybody needs a sense of esteem within a group, confidence about their experience of life, freedom of choice, social bonds, and reciprocity. Together they form the common currency of interpersonal interaction: the rewards and threats we face when dealing with other people.

社會動機有五種：地位、確定性、自主性、關聯性和公平性。雖然每個領域的程度和表達方式都有個體和文化差異，但每個人都需要在一個羣體內有一種尊重感，對自己的生活經歷有信心，對選擇的自由、社會紐帶和互惠感都有信心。它們共同構成了人際交往的共同貨幣：我們在與他人打交道時所面臨的獎勵和威脅。

When you're speaking up to someone, any one of these five buttons might be pushed, but most commonly it's status, especially when you're communicating up the chain of command. So you need to make it clear that you're not out to get anyone, nor are you necessarily attributing ill will to the person or people you might be speaking about. Show that you are providing feedback on impact, without making any assumptions about intent. For example: "You may not have meant to offend, but here is how I experienced that joke.” You can also dial up the relatedness: "I'm on your side and bringing this up because I care.” And for people who value certainty, you should make your goals abundantly clear at the start of the conversation. The better you know a person, the better you can tailor your approach.

當你對某人說話時，這五個按鈕中的任何一個都可能被按下，但最常見的是狀態，尤其是當你在指揮鏈上交流時。因此，你需要清楚地表明，你並不是爲了得到任何人，也不一定把惡意歸咎於你可能談論的人或人。顯示你提供的影響反饋，沒有任何假設的意圖。例如：“你可能無意冒犯，但以下是我是如何經歷這個笑話的。”你也可以撥打聯繫電話：“我站在你這邊，提起這件事是因爲我在乎。”對於那些重視確定性的人來說，你應該在談話一開始就把你的目標說得非常清楚。你越瞭解一個人，你就能更好地調整你的方法。

Third, make a plan.

第三，制定一個計劃。

Uncertainty breeds inaction. When you're put on the spot, not knowing what to do is a primary reason for not acting. It's the difference between thinking "I don't know what to do” and "I'm prepared for this.”

不確定性產生了不行動。當你陷入困境時，不知道該做什麼是不採取行動的主要原因。這是“我不知道該做什麼”和“我準備好了”之間的區別。

Hence the need to create a plan. If-then planners are about 300% more likely than others to reach their goals. Even though you won't be able to predict the specifics of every situation, creating a plan for how to speak up can significantly increase the likelihood that you do so when the moment presents itself.

因此需要制定一個計劃。如果-那麼規劃者比其他人更有可能達到他們的目標。儘管你無法預測每一種情況的具體情況，但是爲如何說話制定一個計劃可以大大增加你在這個時刻出現時這樣做的可能性。

Start by identifying in advance the kinds of situations that occur in your role where you may need to speak up. For example, when you notice your manager making a decision based on incomplete information, or when you see an opportunity to improve an existing service, or when you witness a colleague interrupting more junior team members in meetings. Then decide how you will handle each: Will you have a direct conversation that challenges another person, or take another route? If you do speak up, how will you start the conversation? Together, these steps form your if-then plan. If I see this, then I'll do that.

首先，提前確定在您的角色中可能需要說出的各種情況。例如，當您注意到您的經理根據不完整的信息做出決定時，或者當您看到改進現有服務的機會時，或者當您看到一個同事在會議中打斷更多初級團隊成員時。然後決定你將如何處理每一個：你是有一個直接的談話，挑戰另一個人，或採取另一條路線？如果你說出來了，你將如何開始談話？這些步驟合在一起，構成了你的“如果-然後計劃”。如果我看到這個，我就這麼做。

And with that plan, you can speak up with respect — and impact.

有了這個計劃，你可以帶着尊重和影響說出話來。