這些習慣總會導致婚姻終結
And no, having an affair isn't on this list.
劈腿可不在這些習慣之列哦。TALKING TRASH BEHIND EACH OTHER'S BACKS.
在背後說彼此壞話。It might sound like advice on avoiding high school drama, but speaking in a mean-spirited way about your partner when he's not around-not just poking innocent fun at his Star Wars obsession-is a red flag that, surprisingly, is pretty common, says Cole. And it could have a lot to do with your friends. "Women may fall into this habit if they're surrounded by people doing the same thing," she says. "If your close group of girl friends are constantly talking poorly about their own husbands, it may feel more normal for you to chime in and say, 'You think yours is bad? Listen to mine.'
聽起來這可能像是如何避開高中鬧劇的建議，但在另一半不在身邊時苛刻地說他壞話--不僅僅笑話他對《星球大戰》的迷戀--可是一個危險信號哦。而令人驚訝的是，這一現象卻十分常見，科爾說道。而這離不開朋友的"挑唆"。"如果你（女性）身邊的朋友都這樣做，自然而然你也會養成這一習慣，"她說道。"如果你的閨蜜總是不時地說自己老公的壞話，那和她們一樣似乎更加合羣，'你覺得你的很糟糕，聽聽我們家那位你就知道了。'"
But in reality, it shines a light on a deeper issue, says Cole. "It shows a lack of respect for him, even if he never finds out," she says, and starts a pattern of negative comparisons that can lead to even more criticism and contempt. Before you know it, your relationship is in a fast, downward spiral.
但在現實生活中，這卻反映了更深層的問題，科爾說道。"這說明你缺乏對他的尊重，即使他永遠都不知道你說了他的不好，"她說道，而且一系列負面評比會導致你對他越來越不滿、越來越輕視。在你意識到之前，你們的感情已快速降溫了。FIXATING ON WHAT YOUR HUBS DOESN'T DO WELL.
揪着他做不好的事情不放。Whether you're remembering how hilarious your ex was-unlike your comparatively quiet husband-or wishing your guy was a door-opening gentleman like your friend's husband, negatively comparing your spouse to others is another subtle kiss of death. "Even if you're only making notes in your mind, it can kill a relationship over time," says Cole.
不管你是懷念前任的風趣--不像你現在沉默寡言的丈夫--還是希望你的男人像自己朋友的老公一樣是會幫人開門的紳士，總之，將自己的另一半與其他人進行比較都是溫柔的死亡之吻。"即使你只是在腦中做了比較，沒有說出來，時間長了也會有損你們的感情，"科爾說道。Try to remember that the grass always seems greener because one person is never going to have everything on your wish list, and your friends are probably jealous of something your own guy does-like the fact that he's got serious skills in the kitchen (#domesticgod). And if there's a habit he's developed that you'd like to, err, tweak (like his tendency to overspend), there's nothing wrong with that-so long as you're not ultimately trying to change who he is. Cole says to use a gentle approach, and at the end of the day, you might as well focus on the good. Your marriage-and sanity-will be better for it.
你要記得這山望着那山高，因爲一個人不可能滿足你的所有要求，說不定你的朋友也嫉妒你老公身上的某些特質呢--比如他很擅長做飯。如果他養成了一個習慣，而你想讓他改掉這個習慣，那這是無可厚非的--只要你不是想改變他這個人就行了。科爾說，如果方法用得對，那麼到最後，你也會注重他身上的閃光點。你的婚姻和理智也都會更好。
