出軌後我該怎樣請求他/她原諒我？

According to Arnold Schwarzenegger's autobiography, Total Recall, after he committed adultery with his housekeeper, he denied to his wife Maria Shriver that the child was his -- because he "didn't know" he was the father. Having both lied and cheated, there's little room for doubt that Arnold had wronged his wife.
斯瓦辛格在自傳中回憶道“當他和和自己的女管家發生關係並另其懷孕以後，他在自己的妻子面前抵賴自己不是孩子他爸——因爲他“什麼都不知道”。阿諾的出軌並撒謊毫無疑問深深地傷害了妻子。
When, years later, Maria confronted him in the therapist's office with concerns that the governess's child looked an awful lot like him, his tactic was to finally reveal the truth. Then he offered an apology: "I told her how sorry I felt about it, how wrong it was, and that it was my fault. I just unloaded everything."
幾年以後，妻子和阿諾在婚姻治療師的辦公室裏再次面對往事，妻子提出女管家的孩子與阿諾極像時，阿諾終於承認自己做過的荒唐事，然後向妻子道歉：“我告訴她我有多後悔做下這樣的事，我承認自己的錯誤，之後我感覺到自己終於輕鬆了。”
Arnold's case, while headline grabbing, is not unique. When couples struggle with the complications of infidelity, there's a lot of work to be done; part of that work involves owning up to an affair and offering an apology. And an apology isn't easy; it is a complex form of communication.
阿諾的這個醜聞絕對是新聞頭條，然而這卻是很多人生活裏面容易犯的錯。當婚姻被婚外情所困擾時，我們需要做很多來讓婚姻重回正軌。承認出軌和道歉是必須要做的兩件事。這個時候的道歉就不是一件簡單的事了，這個道歉將成爲你和愛人間複雜的溝通。
In order for an apology to be an effective means of communication, it must include five steps. These steps don't apply just to affairs or infidelity. They are necessary to mend any kind of perceived wrongdoing.
想讓這個道歉管用，下面這五步一定要掌握，當讓這五步不僅僅適合那些已經有婚外情的人，也適合那些在犯了錯卻要向修補愛情的人。

Step 1: Understand what you are apologizing for.
第一步：知道你要爲什麼而道歉
A genuine apology sounds easy. You probably know by now that it's not. If you've had an affair, I'll bet that on many occasions you've already tried to say "I'm sorry." Or, having had your first apology rejected, you may have tried, "I've already said I'm sorry. What else would you like me to say?"
道歉是很簡單的事，但當你出軌了，想要道歉卻變得很艱難。我敢肯定你在很多情況下已經爲你的行爲道過歉了；或是你道歉沒被接受。“我已經告訴她/他我很對不起了，我還能做點什麼？”
If you have already apologized, your mate may have failed to accept it because it does not feel genuine. Even if, in your heart of hearts, you swear you mean it, it may not be perceived that way. For your message of remorse to get across, you've got to do a fair amount of introspection to figure out what you are apologizing for -- even before you say the words. You are apologizing for much more than "having an affair." There is a lot more that you have done, or not done, that surrounded the affair: things like causing embarrassment to the family, giving up family time, or even bringing home STDs. Your partner wants you to take responsibility for all of it. You should.
如果你已經道歉了，但你的伴侶卻沒有感受到你的誠意，所以沒有接受你的道歉。即使這個歉意真的是你掏心窩肺的歉意，但是你的伴侶卻沒有感覺到你的真誠。爲了讓他/她能真正感受到你的悔意，你要好好反省一下你到底爲什麼道歉？——儘管你都表達過自己的悔意了，但你要明白你要道歉的不僅是因爲你“出軌”了。與此同時，你的出軌帶來了很多讓人難以接受的東西。比如：你讓你的家庭蒙羞、你疏於與家人共享時間、你甚至將性傳染疾病帶回了家....你的伴侶想要你爲自己犯下的錯負責。
When you do tell your partner that you hurt them with your actions, you should give a full account of all the wrongs you have committed. Don't be surprised if your partner chimes in with a few you didn't think of.
當你向你的伴侶認錯的時候，你應該將你的行爲所引起的不良後果一一歷數。當然，他/她可能會給你列舉出幾個你沒有預計到的不良後果，你不要大驚小怪。
Step 2: Accept responsibility.
第二步：承擔責任
When it comes time to offer an apology, you must, above all, be clear about what you have done. Be absolutely certain not to shirk responsibility by sharing the blame with anyone or anything else. Apologizing is not saying, "It never would have happened if I hadn't been hanging out with my sister," or "The captain shouldn't have assigned me a female partner." In particular, be careful to avoid labeling your spouse as responsible, for example, with words like: "If only I had been getting more love from you, I wouldn't have looked elsewhere." Your behavior is your responsibility and no one else's. You'll know you're on the right track when no one offers any disagreement about what you are apologizing for.
People sometimes try to decrease their own responsibility by adding "if" to their statement about the other person's reaction. Saying "I'm sorry if what I did hurt your feelings" is very different from saying "I'm sorry for what I did, and I know it caused you pain." The "if" statement tells the person that you have remorse about the outcome, not about your actions. Don't do that.
當你道歉時，首先，你要承認你犯下的錯。千萬不要將你犯的錯推脫道別人身上。你不應該說“我要不和我姐姐在一起，這種事絕不可能發生。”或是說“老闆不應該給我安排個女同事。”特別要注意，千萬不要在這個時候將責任推脫道你的愛人身上，說什麼“如果你能多愛我一點，我也不會在外面尋花問柳了。”你犯錯了，就是你自己的責任，和別人無關。你要知道，當你敢於擔當時，你的方向纔是對的，也沒人會認爲你不應該道歉。人們有時候會說“如果怎樣怎樣”來開脫自己，減小自己的責任。“如果我所做的傷害了你，對不起。”和“對不起，我傷害了你。”是兩個不同的效果。加上“如果....”的道歉會讓人覺得你只對你犯錯的結果感到懊悔，而不是你犯錯的行爲。所以，不要那麼說。

Step 3: Offer alternatives.
第三步： 如果時光可以到倒轉....
You've probably heard the advice to stay away from the "coulda, woulda, shoulda" attitude toward life. Well, here's a place where this is exactly the attitude you need. A hearty dose of "I should have told you that I was going out to lunch with her," or "I wish had not shared my problems with him" tells your partner that you understand there "coulda" been a better way of handling things, and gives hope that you will make better choices in the future.
“我可能、我也許、我應該”在日常生活裏，我們要儘量避免這樣的詞出現。然而一旦婚姻因爲出軌亮起了紅燈，這些選擇性的詞應該就應該出現在你的道歉內容裏。對他/她真心地說“我當時應該告訴你我是要和她去吃晚餐的。”或是“我不該把我的問題告訴他。”告訴你的伴侶，如果有選擇，你不會重蹈覆轍，這樣可以給他/她再次信任你的希望。
Step 4: Abolish expectations.
第四步：不要期望太高
Another aspect of a genuine apology is to offer it without expectation to get something back. This isn't a proposition of "I'll say what I did wrong so you will tell me what you did wrong," or even "I'll say I'm sorry if you say you'll forgive me." Your sole goal should be to make sure your partner hears you. It's certainly okay to offer the hope that your partner will accept the apology, but you cannot make that a condition for offering it.
真誠的道歉必須是不要求回報的。這不是什麼一個“我告訴你我做錯了什麼，你也要說你做錯了什麼”的命題。更不能要求對方“我認錯，你接受我”。你道歉的唯一目標就是讓你的伴侶能夠聽進去你在說什麼，當然心存被原諒的願望是好的，只是你不能把這個當成必然結果去看待。
Step 5: Say, "I'm sorry."
第五步：說“對不起”
You may be thinking that you are very, very sorry. You may have admitted to all your wrong doings. You may have asked for forgiveness, and you may have promised never to do it again. But your partner may still turn to you and say "You never said you were sorry." Don't forget to say you're sorry!
你可能覺得你真的做錯了；你可能也承認了你所有的過失；你可能請求被原諒、你可能也向他/她保證以後再也不會犯同樣的錯。但是你的伴侶任然指責你“你從來沒有對我說對不起。”不要忘了對他/她說聲對不起。
Studies about gender differences reveal that women tend to offer spontaneous apologies more than men do. Women are more likely to perceive things they have done as requiring the offer of apology, but men tend to see real and imagined wrongs as not deserving an apology, because they "weren't that big of a deal."
調查表明女性出軌後比男性更容易意識到錯誤而道歉。女性較男性更容易意識到自己犯錯了，之後向伴侶道歉。而男性會覺得自己的所作所爲還沒到道歉的份，因爲“這不是什麼大不了的事。”
Not every affair gets splashed across international headlines, but mistakes do happen in everyone's lives. That's what apologies are for. Having an affair is a big mistake, and it healing requires a genuine apology. Then the rebuilding can begin.
不是每個出軌都能成爲新聞頭條的，然而每個人都可能犯錯，所以我們要爲此道歉。出軌是個很不應該的，如果發生了，一個誠摯的歉意是必須的，也許這個道歉的方式可以讓你的婚姻從新開始。