時尚雙語:愛情貼士：瞭解你的另一半在想什麼

Long before scientists confirmed the differences between men's and women's brains, many people sensed the vast chasm between the two sexes' mental workings. Men and women's brains differ in shape and function, causing them to act and react differently from one another. While some argue that the differences between male and female behavior stems from nothing more than social conditioning, it makes much more sense to accept the differences and learn to deal with them.

In fact, husbands and wives who accept the differences between themselves and their spouses enjoy much more satisfaction in their relationships. They don't have to deal with the frustration and unhappiness that result from frequent misunderstandings. Here are a few differences you can expect from your spouse and tips on working with them:

Women's Emotional Centers are More active than Men's
Enhanced left/right brain communication and hormonal fluctuations, as well as a more active emotional center, make emotions a much more important part of women's lives. Women understand and deal with emotions differently than men. Emotional connections, such as sympathy and mutual understanding, are important to women.

Advice for Husbands

Don't feel guilty about your wife's emotional outbursts. When your wife is struggling, the best thing to do is to try to console her with a hug or other expression of love, or by letting her talk, but be careful not to let your wife draw you in to her negative emotions. Keeping a positive perspective can help her stabilize her emotions.
When you are dealing with emotions, your wife may think you need to talk them out like she does. Be honest about your need for some quiet time to think things through. She'll get used to leaving you alone if you explain your needs to her.

Advice for Wives

Strong emotions lead to irrational thoughts. Try to keep things in perspective and accept the ways your husband tries to console you, even if he isn't providing the sympathy that you want. (Call your mom or girlfriends for that.) Don't use your hormonal fluctuations as an excuse to throw temper tantrums or abuse others. You can keep reasonable control of your emotions with a little practice.

When your husband is upset, give him time to think things through. Let him approach you if he wants to talk about what's wrong. He'll be much more likely to work things out this way.

Advice for Both Spouses

Instead of reacting to your spouse's emotional outbursts with anger, be more understanding and loving. Insisting on an eye for an eye will leave everyone hurt and just make the problem worse. If you react to an angry outburst by looking for ways to make your spouse's day a little easier, you will not only insulate yourself from hurt, but you will also shorten your spouse's distress.

Men's Sexual Centers are Much More Active than Women's
Intercourse is a totally different experience for men and women. Besides the obvious physical differences, men and women also have sentimental differences in their love-making. Men are much more "right-brained" than women, making spatial relations and visual information much more important to them. Women are more concerned with an emotional connection to their husbands. Different things will stimulate and satisfy women and men.

Advice for Husbands
Actively seek to reign in your impulses when it comes to other women. If you allow yourself to fantasize about other women, your relationship with your wife will suffer.

Men tend to express their love for their wives through sex. However, your wife may feel like nothing more than a power tool if you limit your expression of love to her to nothing more than groping and intercourse. Make an effort to slow things down and make sex an enjoyable experience for both of you. Find out what makes your wife feel loved (like notes, flowers, poems, etc.) and use those things to express your love for her. Women who feel a strong emotional connection with their husbands are much more open in the bedroom.

Advice for Wives

Interpret your husband's desire for you for what it is-an expression of love. Don't assume that he views you as nothing more than an object for him to use. If you feel that way, you need to discuss the situation with your husband and make sure your needs are being met. Give in once in a while when you're too tired or too preoccupied.
Don't be afraid to express your desires. Doing so will enhance the experience for both of you and you'll find it much easier to connect with your husband emotionally when you are both satisfied sexually.

Advice for Both Spouses

Men and women both have a much better experience when they seek to please each other instead of themselves. This means the wife may need to take an aspirin now and then and the husband may need to slow things down. You'll both find that sex is much more satisfying when you gain as much pleasure from satisfying your spouse as you do from your own physical pleasure.

Women are Broad-Minded
Women's senses are more sensitive, they notice more details, and they deal with a lot of small details better than men. Have you ever seen a tableful of women all talking at once? It's because they really can both listen and talk at the same time, within reason.

Advice for Men

Don't assume your wife is a wimp because she's upset over small cuts or bruises. She's probably feeling the pain more than you would. You should also trust your wife's judgment in situations where you need to take in a lot of information fast. Your wife will be able to notice signs and social cues better than you can.

Advice for Women

Don't assume that your husband has noticed all the things you have or that he has heard everything you have. Help him by pointing out details he might have missed but needs to know. But don't overload him with things he doesn't need to know. You should also be patient with your husband when he's performing tasks that require sorting through details. He won't find things as easily as you or know where all the dishes go in the cupboard.

Your husband will also probably not be interested in the dozens of things you want to tell him. Don't take this as disinterest in you personally. This is another time when moms and girlfriends are helpful. Your husband won't care about the sale at the shoe store, but your friend will, so share it with her. Be willing to limit the number of things you share with your husband to the most important.

Men are Narrow-Minded
Men have the ability to focus solely on one thing, where women's minds will jump around even in serious situations. They will want to keep working on a project until they are done with it.

Advice for Men

Don't assume your wife is as excited or focused on a project as you are. She will probably want to stop and eat before it's done, especially if the kids are hungry. Be patient if your wife interrupts you when you are focused on something. Explain to her that you will discuss other matters later when you can give more attention to them.

Advice for Women

Reign in your desire to branch out to other subjects when your husband is thinking deeply about something. Give him adequate time to think through one subject before bringing another up. You may also need to gently remind him of something (like the exit he's supposed to take) when he's thinking of something else. Don't interpret his focus as a sign of diminished capacity. Being able to start, work through, and finish a project is a skill many women find difficult.

Advice for Both Spouses

These differences in details and the focus men and women have, can make you an effective team. If you learn to capitalize on each others' abilities you will find that jobs you do together get done faster and better than they would if only one of you did it. This can make both your lives easier.

There are dozens of additional differences between men and women. The main idea is to recognize that differences exist and change your expectations of your spouse. Men and women are made for each other. You can have a satisfying relationship when you work together. Don't judge your spouse by your standards and don't try to get them to change to suit your ideas. You will find that your spouse is really more competent and helpful than you thought when you look at them with an open mind. A good dose of mutual appreciation and acceptance can heal any wound in a relationship.

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早在科學家證明男人與女人大腦構造的不同之前，許多人便意識到男女在思維方式上存在着巨大差異。男性和女性的大腦在外觀和功能上的不同，使得他們在行動與反應上均有很大不同。雖然有人對此存有異議，認爲男女行爲差異是由社會環境所造成的，但這也促使了人們更加接受差異的存在，並學着如何處理它們。

事實上，如果夫妻雙方都對這種差異性表示認可的話，他們的關係往往會更加親密。因爲他們不需要爲頻繁發生的誤解而感到挫敗或難過。關於夫妻雙方間的差異，以及你該如何處理，這裏有幾個小祕訣：

女性的情感中樞比男性更爲活躍

由於女性的左右腦半球的交流和激素分泌的增強，以及情緒中樞活躍性加強，使得情感成爲女性生活中必不可少的一個重要部分。女性對於情感的看法和處理方式與男性很不一樣。情感聯繫——例如同情和相互理解——對於女性是十分重要的。

給丈夫的忠告

不要爲妻子的發泄情緒而感到內疚。當你的妻子情緒不穩時，你所要做的就是給她一個大大的擁抱，或是其他能夠表達感情的方式。你也可以選擇靜靜地傾聽妻子的煩惱，但注意不要讓自己也陷入這種負面情緒當中去。保持積極態度能幫助她穩定自己的情緒。

當你也處於情緒困擾中時，你的妻子會以爲你像她一樣需要一吐爲快。這時你可以坦白告訴她，自己理清情緒的時候需要好好靜一靜。如果你能很好地向她解釋，她就會慢慢習慣這樣的時候讓你一人獨處。

給妻子的忠告

強烈的情緒衝動會導致失去理智的想法。你要嘗試着以積極的態度去看待事物，並接受丈夫的寬慰，即使他所說的話並不能帶給你所期望得到的同情（你可以打電話給自己的媽媽或女友，她們能給你更多情感上的慰藉）。不要以激素分泌的波動爲理由而亂髮脾氣或胡亂指責他人。只要稍加實踐，你就能很好地控制自己的情緒。

給夫妻雙方的忠告

與其將情緒全都發泄給你的另一半，倒不如讓自己變得更善解人意。夫妻之間以牙還牙的行爲只會兩敗俱傷，令問題變得更爲嚴重。如果你對待壞情緒的態度，是想辦法令自己的另一半的日子好過些，那麼你不但能讓自己免受傷害，也能減輕另一半的痛苦。

男性的性中樞明顯比女性活躍

對於男性和女性來說，同樣的交流會是完全不同的兩種體驗。除了生理構造明顯不同之外，男人和女人對待性愛的心理也大不一樣。男人會更多地用“右腦”去思考這件事，因此空間感和視覺感受對他們而言要重要得多。女人則更在乎性愛過程中與丈夫的情感交流。因而性愛中令男人和女人感到滿足的地方是不一樣的。

給丈夫的忠告

當自己對其他異性發生興趣時，一定要控制住衝動。如果你放任自己着迷於其他女人，你與妻子的關係會因此受到傷害。

男人傾向於用性愛來表達對妻子的愛。然而，女人卻更希望丈夫能將對自己的愛在彼此的交流中表達出來。因而男人在性愛中不應急於求成，以使雙方都能從中感到愉悅。你可以觀察一下自己的妻子更喜歡哪種示愛方式（小紙條、鮮花或是情詩等等），然後再用這種方式來表達自己的愛意。這樣的話妻子能從你那兒感受到更爲強烈的情感，因而令雙方的性愛減少束縛。

給妻子的忠告

將丈夫對你的渴望視爲他表達愛的方式。千萬不要抱怨他將你看作發泄的工具。如果你有這種感覺，則必須和自己的丈夫好好談一談，以便自己需求也能夠得到滿足。當你偶爾覺得太疲憊或是被佔有感太強烈時，不妨選擇停止。

不要羞於表達你的渴望。大膽表示出來能夠令性愛的感覺更爲強烈，你會發現當彼此都得到滿足時，會與丈夫有更強列的情感交流。

給夫妻雙方的忠告

當男女雙方在性愛中更爲對方的感受着想時，能得到更多的快感。這意味着妻子或許需要一片阿斯匹林，而丈夫則應該放慢節奏。當夫妻發現滿足對方會比僅僅令自己滿足更快樂時，雙方都能從性愛中獲得更多的滿足感。

女性思考問題的方式很複雜

女人的感情更爲敏感，她們更關注於細節，因此她們處理一大堆小細節的能力比男人更強。你是否見過一桌子的女人們都在不停地說話？這是因爲她們真的可以一邊講話一邊傾聽，一點兒沒錯。

給丈夫的忠告

當妻子偶爾因小小的割傷或劃傷而難過時，千萬不要把她看作一個懦弱的人。她對傷痛的感覺遠比你靈敏。當你在做某件事需要面對一大堆細節問題時，完全可以信任妻子的判斷。她對於某些不經意的信號或是社會線索的靈敏感比你好得多。

對妻子的忠告

千萬別以爲你的丈夫能注意到或聽到所有你注意或聽到的內容。你得提醒他一些被忽視掉卻十分關鍵的細節。但那些無關緊要的信息，則不必強求他去了解。當丈夫在做一些需要將細節分門別類的事情時，你要有足夠的耐性。他不會像你那麼輕而易舉地找到東西，或是知道所有的碗碟分別放在碗櫥的哪裏。

對於你對他傾訴的一大堆事情，他可能也不太感興趣，這可不是因爲他是對你本人不感興趣。這時候又是體現媽媽或女友的好處的時候了。你的丈夫可能對鞋店的特價毫不在乎，但你的女友們一定會感興趣，所以這樣的事情就與你的女友們分享好了。只與你的丈夫分享有限的事情，是最重要的。

男性思考問題的方式很直接

男人有一種將注意力只放在一件事上的能力。而女人即使在十分重要的場合下，思維也是十分跳躍的。男人會一直執着於一件事上，直到這件事被解決掉。

給丈夫的忠告

不要以爲妻子會像你一樣關注一件事。她很可能會停下手頭的事，去弄點東西吃，特別是孩子們喊餓的時候。當你十分關注時被她打斷，要耐心地向她解釋說等手頭的事情完成之後，你將有更多的精力與她討論其他事務。

給妻子的忠告

當丈夫正沉浸某件事之中時，不要去打擾他，給他足夠的時間。當他過於關注別的事情時，你可以溫柔地提醒他——比如開車時他該從哪個出口出去。不要認爲他的關注是沒能力的表現。因爲對於女人來說，要把一件事從開頭堅持到最後完成，可不是容易的事兒。

給夫妻雙方的忠告

將男人的專注和女人的細心結合起來，會令你們成爲十分有效率的夫妻組合。如果能好好地利用彼此的優勢，你們將會發現兩個人一起做一件事的時候，會比單獨一個去做時更快更好。這也會令你們的生活變得更加簡便。

男女之間的差異之處還有很多。關鍵在於要意識到這種差異性的存在，並由此改變對自己的另一半的期望。男人和女人都是爲對方而被創造，當兩個人同心協力時，你們的關係會更和諧。不要以自己的標準去評價另一半，也不要勉強對方爲自己的標準而做出改變。當你以更爲坦率的態度看待自己的另一半時，你會發現他們真的變得更有能力，也更樂於助人了。互相信任與彼此接受是修復任何夫妻感情傷痕的一劑良藥。