雙語閱讀：4大感情錯誤千萬不要犯

摘要：幾個月過去了，曾經的美好早已支離破碎。下一段感情一定要完美，你不能再犯同樣的錯誤。先看看下面一些常見的感情錯誤，確保不再犯，否則烏雲還是會再次出現影響你們的感情。

It’s been a few months and what was just a fling has turned into a full blown relationship. Now is usually the point where things start going to the dumps and your perfect relationship ends in a fiery cloud of smoke.

幾個月過去了，曾經的美好早已支離破碎。到底是什麼讓這段完美的感情走到盡頭，煙消雲散?

This time it’s going to be different. This one is going to be really perfect and you’re not going to make the same mistakes as last time. Just make sure you’re not making any of the following common relationship mistakes or that fiery cloud is going to make its appearance once again.

這次要做點改變。下一段感情一定要完美，你不能再犯同樣的錯誤。先看看下面一些常見的感情錯誤，確保不再犯，否則烏雲還是會再次出現影響你們的感情。

1. Accept Sacrifice As A Rule

把犧牲當成規則

Most people are under the impression that love requires sacrifice. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that relationships require work and compromise, but they never require sacrifice. Let me tell you why.

很多人都覺得愛情需要犧牲。別誤會我的意思，我知道感情需要努力和妥協，但絕對不需要犧牲。我來給你們解釋一下。

In any given situation, a sacrifice requires you to give up something you value more for something you value less. When you practice this concept in relationships it breeds resentment and anger. Instead, understand that your partner has had a life before you, and respect that he or she will not and should not change everything just because you asked.

在任何情況下，犧牲都意味着你需要放棄某些自己珍視的東西，來獲得你不是那麼在乎的東西。如果在一段感情裏，你做出了犧牲，只會滋長你的怨恨和憤怒。相反，你需要理解另一半遇到你之前的生活，尊重他，不要希冀他會因爲你的要求改變所有的事情。

For example, if your partner has a friend that makes you really uncomfortable because you just know that they have feelings for your partner. You have 3 choices; only one of which will lead to a healthy relationship:

比如，你的另一半有一個讓你覺得非常不舒服的朋友，因爲他/她也對你的另一半有感覺，這種情況下你有三種選擇：只有一種做法是最合適正確的。

Ask your partner to stop being friends with this person as a necessary sacrifice they must make to stay in a relationship with you.

讓另一半遠離這個人，就當是爲了你倆的感情做出的犧牲。

Pretend like you don’t care until all hell breaks out.

假裝完全不在意，直到自己再也受不了。

Tell your partner how you feel and see how you can work together to alleviate your fears. Maybe they invite you to become friends with this person, or they decide to not do certain things together, etc. Agree to a course of action that works for both of you.

告訴另一半你的感受，看看如何減少自己的恐懼。也許他們會讓你和這個人也去成爲朋友，或是他們決定再也不一起做某些特定的事情。這樣對你倆都有好處。

You should never feel pressured to sacrifice something you don’t want to give up for your significant other, unless your relationship is worth way more than the sacrifice. Maybe you give up smoking in the house for this person, or move across the country and give up your house because you want them in your life. Remember to do so because you want to and not because you have to.

你也不能勉強自己去做任何犧牲，除非這段感情非常非常重要，值得去放棄其他。也許你可以爲了這個人在房子裏戒菸。或是爲了在一起搬離這座城市。要記住確保這些都是你自己想做的，而非不得不做的。

2. Don’t Stand Up For Yourself

不爲自己說話

This is an all too-common habit of both men and women. The same feeling of lack of self-worth is behind this habit for both genders, but it manifests itself differently.

這是男女之間太常見的問題。這一習慣的背後是兩性之間自我價值的缺失感，只是表達方式有所不同。

Some men think that in order to remain in a woman’s good graces, you have to submit to everything she wants. If they start disagreeing with her, she’ll drop him like a hot potato. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Women want a strong gentleman, not a puppy. It seems as if men believe there are only two choices: (1) the pushover who puts up with everything, and (2) the hyper-masculine a-hole. They vacillate between these two, unable to see that there’s a perfect median. They end up resenting their partner instead of loving them.

有些男人覺得要想一直取悅女人就必須給她想要的一切。一旦他們在某點上不贊同女友，便會馬上被甩。這可真是大錯特錯。女人們想要的是堅強的紳士，不是寵物。似乎男人們總覺得眼前只有兩個選擇：(1)忍受所有事情的好好先生;(2)大男子主義的霸權男。他們在兩者之間跳躍，卻忽視了其實有一個完美的中間狀態。到最後他們就由愛生恨。

The same is true for women, except women will almost always express their resentment in the form of passive aggression. Don’t do this! There’s no need. A man doesn’t want a woman who can’t think for herself, or who pretends to agree with him and then punishes him with her passive aggressivetactics.

這點對於女人也同樣適用，只是女人常常以被動的形式來表達自己的怨恨。千萬別這樣!根本不需要。男人不想要一個完全不爲自己考慮的女人，又或是假裝贊成他所有觀點再用被動的情緒暗暗懲罰他的女人。

3. Rely On Telepathy To Communicate

依賴心靈感應的交流

Contrary to popular belief, this is a relationship crime committed by both men and women equally.

和大衆觀點相反，這也是男女之間最容易犯的錯誤。

Gentlemen. Please don’t assume that your partner knows that you think they’re gorgeous. Don’t assume that you don’t have to say how much you care about them. They can’t read your mind and if you don’t say it they’ll never know. So remember, say it and say it often.

男人們，別認爲你的另一半知道在你眼裏她們很美麗，別覺得無需多說到底你有多在乎她們。她們不會讀心術，如果你不說，她們永遠不會知道，所以記住，要說出來，經常說。

Ladies. I know you think it’s romantic for your partner to know what’s bothering you, but it’s just not realistic or fair. Women want to believe that their perfect partner will just know what’s wrong or, even worse, they’ll know what to do to make it right. Trust me, we know that it ruins the fairy tale, but you’re just going to have to get over it. You’ll probably going to have to tell him when he makes you angry, because he literally doesn’t know. Yes, it’s hard to believe. I promise that he’s not ignoring you or doing something to spite you. He’s clueless. Tell him and then tell him what he can do better next time and how to make it OK this time.

女人們，我知道被一個男人理解你的煩心事是多麼浪漫的一件事，但這毫不實際。女人們總是希望另一半恰恰好了解到底出了什麼問題，或甚至是該怎麼把事情做對。相信我，雖然這會破壞你們的幻想，但是你必須要克服這種想法。你必須告訴他到底他做了什麼讓你生氣，因爲他的確不知道。難以置信是麼?我打賭他並不是忽視你，又或是故意做其他事惹你生氣，他是真的沒有意識到。告訴他，然後讓他下次改進以及這次如何彌補。

4. Slack Off As Soon As Possible

很快就懈怠

Now that you’re both comfortable with each other, you start getting sloppy. Everything your partner loved about you in the beginning is starting to fade away.

當兩個人在一起十分舒服，你便開始有些懈怠了。所有另一半愛你的一切慢慢消失不見。

Guys. Remember when you were so sweet and attentive? You were romantic and you were considerate. Where did that guy go? Why isn’t he here anymore and how can we get him back? It’s not OK to stop doing these things when you feel you’ve got her in the bag. There’s going to be a gentlemen around the corner who’s going to go the extra mile and you’ll be left in the dust.

男人們。想想你上次表現的又貼心和周到是什麼時候?你是多麼的浪漫和細心，這個你去哪裏了?爲什麼現在不再是這樣，怎麼才能把那個他找回來呢?不是說得到她之後你就可以減少關心在乎，不然你就小心一個紳士不知不覺把你的女友搶走吧。

Women aren’t off the hook either. It’s about doing the best you can with what you have and taking pride in your appearance. It sounds shallow, but you can’t expect your partner to be equally attracted to a slob and a lady. It doesn’t work that way. He’ll find a woman who loves herself and who’s willing to take care of herself for longer than 3 months.

女人們也別懈怠下來。好好的收拾下自己，爲自己的外表自豪。這聽起來有點膚淺，但一個懶女人和一個美女人，你覺得你男友會選誰?最終就是，他會選擇去找一個既愛自己又懂得照顧自己超過三個月的女人。