夫妻之間誰更容易婚外情?大綱

Some 60 years ago, Alfred Kinsey delivered a shock to midcentury sexual sensibilities when he reported that at some point in their marriages, half of the men and a quarter of the women in the U.S. had an extramarital affair. No one puts much stock in Dr. Kinsey's high numbers any more - his sampling methods suffered from a raging case of selection bias - but his results fit the long-standing assumption that men are much more likely to cheat than women.

大約60年前，金賽(Alfred Kinsey)的研究爲二十世紀中葉人們對性問題的感知帶來震撼，當時他在研究報告中稱，在婚姻的某一階段，美國半數的男性和四分之一的女性都會發生婚外情。如今人們對金賽得出的高出軌率已經不是非常重視了（他的取樣方法存在嚴重的選擇偏差），但他的結果符合人們長期以來的假設，即男性欺騙伴侶的可能性要比女性大得多。

Lately, however, researchers have been raising doubts about this view: They believe that the incidence of unfaithfulness among wives may be approaching that of husbands. The lasting costs of these betrayals will be familiar to the many Americans who have experienced divorce as spouses or children.

但研究者近期對這種觀點提出了質疑：他們認爲，妻子的不忠行爲發生機率可能與丈夫接近。這些背叛行爲的長期代價爲許多與配偶離過婚或經歷過父母離婚的美國人所熟知。

Among the most reliable studies on this issue is the General Social Survey, sponsored by the National Science Foundation, which has been asking Americans the same questions since 1972. In the 2010 survey, 19% of men said that they had been unfaithful at some point during their marriages, down from 21% in 1991. Women who reported having an affair increased from 11% in 1991 to 14% in 2010.

有關該問題的最可靠研究之一當屬“綜合社會調查”(General Social Survey)，這項研究由美國國家科學基金會(National Science Foundation)資助，從1972年開始向美國人詢問同一批問題。在2010年的調查中，19%的男性表示，他們在婚姻的某個階段曾有不忠行爲，這一比例低於1991年的21%。而自述存在婚外情的女性比例由1991年的11%升至2010年的14%。

A 2011 study conducted by Indiana University, the Kinsey Institute and the University of Guelph found much less of a divide: 23% for men and 19% for women. Such numbers suggest the disappearance of the infidelity gender gap, but some caution is in order.

印第安納大學(Indiana University)、金賽研究所(Kinsey Institute)和圭爾夫大學(University of Guelph) 2011年一項研究發現的性別差距要小得多：男性爲23%，女性爲19%。上述數據暗示，兩性之間在不忠行爲上的差異趨於消失，但我們應該審慎地看待該數據。

An enduring problem for researchers - even those who sample with meticulous care - is that any such survey is asking for confessions from people who are presumably lying to their spouses. Researchers generally believe that actual infidelity numbers are higher than the results indicate.

研究者──即便是那些取樣時小心謹慎的研究者──一直面臨的問題是，任何此類調查都要求那些很可能對伴侶撒了謊的人坦白自己的越軌行爲。研究者一般認爲，不忠行爲的實際數字要比調查結果所顯示的高。

It should also be emphasized that cheating in the U.S. isn't epidemic or inevitable, for either sex. Surveys consistently find that by far the majority of respondents value monogamy and think that infidelity is harmful. And if you believe the General Social Survey's finding that 14% of women are cheating, keep in mind that 86% aren't.

但也應該強調，在美國，無論對男性還是女性來說，欺騙都既非普遍行爲，也非不可避免。多次調查均一致顯示，到目前爲止，多數受訪者都珍視一夫一妻制，並認爲不忠行爲是有害的。假如你相信“綜合社會調查”結果是真實的，即14%的女性有欺騙行爲，那麼同時也請記住86%的女性並沒有欺騙伴侶。

Still, even though survey accuracy is difficult to achieve and experts are by no means unanimous, it would appear that women are, indeed, catching up. In my own work as a psychologist and in my social circle, I see more women not only having affairs but actively seeking them out. Their reasons are familiar: validation of their attractiveness, emotional connection, appreciation, ego - not to mention the thrill of a shiny new relationship, unburdened by the long slog through the realities of coupledom.

不過，雖說調查很難做到精確無誤，專家們的意見也不盡一致，但女性不忠行爲的比例似乎確實在追趕男性。從我作爲心理學家的工作經歷和我的社交圈來看，我發現有更多女性不僅有婚外情，而且在積極尋找婚外情。她們的理由聽起來很耳熟：證明她們的吸引力、情感聯繫、欣賞、自我──更不用說對一種全新關係的渴望了（這種關係不受婚姻中的長期重壓羈絆）。

Researchers also point to other factors that might be leading women to stray more. One is what might be called 'infidelity overload.' Scan the plots on any given week in television, and there seems to be more extramarital sex than marital sex. (Few spouses stay put in 'Mad Men.') With women portrayed as eager participants and aggressive instigators, there may be a feeling that infidelity has become more acceptable.

研究者還指出了可能導致女性外遇增加的其他因素。其中之一也許可以稱爲“不忠主題氾濫”。不論哪一週的電視節目，情節中出現較多的似乎都是婚外情，而婚內情則出現得比較少。（電視劇“廣告狂人”(Mad Men)中的夫妻幾乎沒有不出軌的）女性被描述爲熱心的參與者和積極的發起者，人們可能會感覺社會對不忠行爲的接受程度增加了。

And then there is the opportunity factor - more travel, more late nights on the job and more interaction with men mean that the chances and temptations to stray have multiplied for the new generation of working women.

另外還存在一個機會因素──對新一代職業女性來說，更多的旅行，更多時候要工作到深夜以及與男性交往增加意味着外遇的機會和誘惑成倍上升。

A 2011 study at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, published in the journal Psychological Science, argues that infidelity is also a function of greater economic and social power, which creates confidence and personal leverage for both genders. Women can now use their power in ways to which men have long been accustomed.

荷蘭蒂爾堡大學(Tilburg University) 2011年展開的一項研究稱，不忠行爲也能作爲一種較大的經濟和社會力量，爲男性和女性帶來信心和個人優勢。女性現在能夠以男性早已習慣的方式運用她們的力量。此項研究論文刊登在《心理科學》(Psychological Science)期刊上。

A broader cultural shift may also be at work. According to a study conducted earlier this year by the biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, women are becoming less traditional about relationships. Men, interestingly, may be going the other direction. In the survey, 77% of women in a committed relationship said they needed personal space, as opposed to 58% of men. While 35% of women wanted regular nights out with friends, only 23% of men said the same.

此外，更廣泛的文化變遷可能也是一大影響因素。生物人類學家費舍爾(Helen Fisher)今年早些時候爲交友網站進行了一項研究，研究顯示，女性對待兩性關係的態度變得越來越非傳統。有意思的是，男性可能正走向相反方向。在調查中，有77%的處於承諾性關係中的女性表示她們需要個人空間，而男性的比例爲58%。35%的女性希望晚上經常外出與朋友會面，但僅有23%的男性持同樣看法。

Social networks are another factor, if only by expanding the pool of possible partners. Emotional friendships that turn physical are the traditional point of entry for female affairs. It is now easy for those friendships to take root online. Some argue that social networks are merely an expediter and that cheaters will always find a way. Still, if you've never quite gotten over your prom date, today the chances are much better that you can find him.

另一大因素當屬社交網絡，哪怕社交網絡只是起到拓寬伴侶人選範圍的作用。從傳統上來看，精神層面的友誼變爲肉體出軌是觸發女性婚外情的導火索。現在很容易從網上開始發展這種友誼。一些人認爲社交網絡不過是助推器而已，即使沒有社交網絡，出軌者也總能找到辦法。不過，如果你一直不曾忘懷畢業舞會的舞伴，如今找到他的機率可要比從前大得多了。

Do women account for more of today's affairs? Probably. But in a society that has been preaching, legislating and celebrating gender equality for decades, equality in marital misdeeds might be expected too.

如今女性在婚外情中所佔比例是不是更大？很可能如此。但近幾十年來，我們的社會一直在宣揚和讚美性別平等，並進行相關立法，也許我們也應該對婚姻越軌中的性別平等有所預料。

(Dr. Drexler is an assistant professor of psychology in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College and author, most recently, of 'Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers and the Changing American Family.')

（Drexler博士是紐約威爾康奈爾醫學院(Weill Cornell Medical College)的精神病心理學助理教授，她的最新著作是《我們的父親，我們自己：女兒、父親和不斷變化的美國家庭》(Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers and the Changing American Family)。）