狄更斯雙語小說:《董貝父子》第35章Part8

'Never seek to find in me,' said Edith, laying her hand upon her breast, 'what is not here. Never if you can help it, Florence, fall off from me because it is not here. Little by little you will know me better, and the time will come when you will know me, as I know myself. Then, be as lenient to me as you can, and do not turn to bitterness the only sweet remembrance I shall have.
The tears that were visible in her eyes as she kept them fixed on Florence, showed that the composed face was but as a handsome mask; but she preserved it, and continued:
'I have seen what you say, and know how true it is. But believe me - you will soon, if you cannot now - there is no one on this earth less qualified to set it right or help you, Florence, than I. Never ask me why, or speak to me about it or of my husband, more. There should be, so far, a division, and a silence between us two, like the grave itself.'
She sat for some time silent; Florence scarcely venturing to breathe meanwhile, as dim and imperfect shadows of the truth, and all its daily consequences, chased each other through her terrified, yet incredulous imagination. Almost as soon as she had ceased to speak, Edith's face began to subside from its set composure to that quieter and more relenting aspect, which it usually wore when she and Florence were alone together. She shaded it, after this change, with her hands; and when she arose, and with an affectionate embrace bade Florence good-night, went quickly, and without looking round.
But when Florence was in bed, and the room was dark except for the glow of the fire, Edith returned, and saying that she could not sleep, and that her dressing-room was lonely, drew a chair upon the hearth, and watched the embers as they died away. Florence watched them too from her bed, until they, and the noble figure before them, crowned with its flowing hair, and in its thoughtful eyes reflecting back their light, became confused and indistinct, and finally were lost in slumber.
In her sleep, however, Florence could not lose an undefined impression of what had so recently passed. It formed the subject of her dreams, and haunted her; now in one shape, now in another; but always oppressively; and with a sense of fear. She dreamed of seeking her father in wildernesses, of following his track up fearful heights, and down into deep mines and caverns; of being charged with something that would release him from extraordinary suffering - she knew not what, or why - yet never being able to attain the goal and set him free. Then she saw him dead, upon that very bed, and in that very room, and knew that he had never loved her to the last, and fell upon his cold breast, passionately weeping. Then a prospect opened, and a river flowed, and a plaintive voice she knew, cried, 'It is running on, Floy! It has never stopped! You are moving with it!' And she saw him at a distance stretching out his arms towards her, while a figure such as Walter's used to be, stood near him, awfully serene and still. In every vision, Edith came and went, sometimes to her joy, sometimes to her sorrow, until they were alone upon the brink of a dark grave, and Edith pointing down, she looked and saw - what! - another Edith lying at the bottom.
In the terror of this dream, she cried out and awoke, she thought. A soft voice seemed to whisper in her ear, 'Florence, dear Florence, it is nothing but a dream!' and stretching out her arms, she returned the caress of her new Mama, who then went out at the door in the light of the grey morning. In a moment, Florence sat up wondering whether this had really taken place or not; but she was only certain that it was grey morning indeed, and that the blackened ashes of the fire were on the hearth, and that she was alone.
So passed the night on which the happy pair came home.

“千萬別想從我這裏尋找那不存在的東西。”伊迪絲把手擱在胸脯上，說道，”如果你可能的話，千萬別因爲我這裏沒有你所想要找到的東西就離開我。你會慢慢地、更好地瞭解我的。總有一天，你會像我瞭解我自己一樣地瞭解我。那時候，請儘可能對我寬厚吧，並且別把我將擁有的唯一甜蜜的回憶變爲苦味的東西吧。”
當她一動不動地注視着弗洛倫斯的時候，可以在她的眼睛中看到淚水，這說明：那鎮靜的臉孔只不過是一個漂亮的假面具而已；可是她卻依舊戴着它，繼續說下去：
“我已經看到了你所說的情形，而且知道你說得多麼真實。可是，請相信我--如果你現在不能相信的話，那麼你很快就會相信的--，世界上沒有任何人比我更沒有能力來改正或幫助你，弗洛倫斯。千萬別問我爲什麼這樣，也不要再跟我談到這或談到我的丈夫。這應當成爲我們之間不可跨越的鴻溝，讓我們兩人對它保持着墳墓般的沉默。”
她沉默地坐了一些時候，弗洛倫斯幾乎不敢呼吸，因爲事實真相的模糊不清、支離破碎的影子以及它的日常後果，正在她恐懼的、但仍然懷疑的想象之中一個接一個地出現。伊迪絲幾乎停止說話，她的臉孔就立刻從她故作鎮靜之中回覆到平時她單獨跟弗洛倫斯在一起時那種比較平靜、比較溫和的神態。在發生了這種變化之後，她用手捂着臉孔；當她站起來，感情深厚地擁抱了弗洛倫斯，祝她晚安之後，她快步走了出去，沒有再回過頭來。
可是當弗洛倫斯躺在牀上，房間裏除了壁爐發出的火光之外，已經一片黑暗的時候，伊迪絲回來了，說她睡不着，在她的化妝室裏感到寂寞；她把一張椅子移近壁爐，望着餘燼逐漸熄滅。弗洛倫斯也從牀上望着餘燼，直到後來，這些餘燼和餘燼前面的高貴的人影兒（它飄垂着長髮，若有所思的眼睛反射出即將熄滅的火光）變得模糊紛亂，最後消失在她的睡眠之中。
可是，新近發生的事情的模糊印象，弗洛倫斯就是在睡眠中也還不能排除。它構成她的夢景，緊纏着她：一會兒是這個形狀，一會兒是另一個形狀，但總是沉悶地壓着她，使她感到恐懼。她夢見在曠野中尋找父親，跟隨着他的足跡，往上攀登險峻的高峯，往下步入縱深的礦井和巖洞；她負着某種使命，要把他從異乎尋常的苦難中解救出來--她不知道究竟是什麼苦難，也不知道爲什麼發生這樣的苦難--，可是她從來不能達到目的，使他獲得自由；然後她看到他就在這個房間裏，就在這張牀上死去了；她知道他始終沒有愛過她，就撲在他冷冰冰的胸脯上悲痛地大哭着。接着，展現出一幅遠景：一條河流流過去，一個她所熟悉的悲哀的喊道，”它向前流着呢，弗洛伊！它永遠也不停止！你正隨着它一道前進呢！”她看到他站在遠處向她伸出胳膊，一個像沃爾特的人和他並排站在一起，安詳、沉靜得令人可怕。在每一個夢景中，伊迪絲出現了，又消失了，有時給她帶來歡樂，有時給她帶來悲傷，最後她們兩人站在一個黑暗的墳墓的邊緣上，伊迪絲指向下面，她望過去，看見了--誰呀！--另一個伊迪絲正躺在底下。
她在這個惡夢的驚恐中大聲喊叫着，並醒來了。一個溫柔的似乎在她耳邊低聲說道，”弗洛倫斯，親愛的弗洛倫斯，這只是個夢！”她伸出胳膊，回答她新媽媽的愛撫；然後，她的新媽媽在陰沉的晨光中從房間中走出去了。弗洛倫斯忽然間坐了起來，心中納悶：這究竟是不是真正發生過的事情？但她只能肯定的是，這的確是個陰沉的早晨，黑色的灰燼留在壁爐地面上，房間中就只有她孤零零的一個人。
幸福的伉儷回到家來的這一夜，就這樣過去了。