狄更斯雙語小說:《董貝父子》第35章Part5

She trembled, and her eyes were dim. His figure seemed to grow in height and bulk before her as he paced the room: now it was all blurred and indistinct; now clear again, and plain; and now she seemed to think that this had happened, just the same, a multitude of years ago. She yearned towards him, and yet shrunk from his approach. Unnatural emotion in a child, innocent of wrong! Unnatural the hand that had directed the sharp plough, which furrowed up her gentle nature for the sowing of its seeds!
Bent upon not distressing or offending him by her distress, Florence controlled herself, and sat quietly at her work. After a few more turns across and across the room, he left off pacing it; and withdrawing into a shadowy corner at some distance, where there was an easy chair, covered his head with a handkerchief, and composed himself to sleep.
It was enough for Florence to sit there watching him; turning her eyes towards his chair from time to time; watching him with her thoughts, when her face was intent upon her work; and sorrowfully glad to think that he could sleep, while she was there, and that he was not made restless by her strange and long-forbidden presence.
What would have been her thoughts if she had known that he was steadily regarding her; that the veil upon his face, by accident or by design, was so adjusted that his sight was free, and that itnever wandered from her face face an instant That when she looked towards him' In the obscure dark corner, her speaking eyes, more earnest and pathetic in their voiceless speech than all the orators of all the world, and impeaching him more nearly in their mute address, met his, and did not know it! That when she bent her head again over her work, he drew his breath more easily, but with the same attention looked upon her still - upon her white brow and her falling hair, and busy hands; and once attracted, seemed to have no power to turn his eyes away!
And what were his thoughts meanwhile? With what emotions did he prolong the attentive gaze covertly directed on his unknown daughter? Was there reproach to him in the quiet figure and the mild eyes? Had he begun to her disregarded claims and did they touch him home at last, and waken him to some sense of his cruel injustice?
There are yielding moments in the lives of the sternest and harshest men, though such men often keep their secret well. The sight ofher in her beauty, almost changed into a woman without his knowledge, may have struck out some such moments even In his life of pride. Some passing thought that he had had a happy home within his reach-had had a household spirit bending at has feet - had overlooked it in his stiffnecked sullen arrogance, and wandered away and lost himself, may have engendered them. Some simple eloquence distinctly heard, though only uttered in her eyes, unconscious that he read them' as'By the death-beds I have tended, by the childhood I have suffered, by our meeting in this dreary house at midnight, by the cry wrung from me in the anguish of my heart, oh, father, turn to me and seek a refuge in my love before it is too late!' may have arrested them. Meaner and lower thoughts, as that his dead boy was now superseded by new ties, and he could forgive the having been supplanted in his affection, may have occasioned them. The mere association of her as an ornament, with all the ornament and pomp about him, may have been sufficient. But as he looked, he softened to her, more and more. As he looked, she became blended with the child he had loved, and he could hardly separate the two. As he looked, he saw her for an instant by a clearer and a brighter light, not bending over that child's pillow as his rival - monstrous thought - but as the spirit of his home, and in the action tending himself no less, as he sat once more with his bowed-down head upon his hand at the foot of the little bed. He felt inclined to speak to her, and call her to him. The words 'Florence, come here!' were rising to his lips - but slowly and with difficulty, they were so very strange - when they were checked and stifled by a footstep on the stair.
It was his wife's. She had exchanged her dinner dress for a loose robe, and unbound her hair, which fell freely about her neck. But this was not the change in her that startled him.
'Florence, dear,' she said, 'I have been looking for you everywhere.'
As she sat down by the side of Florence, she stooped and kissed her hand. He hardly knew his wife. She was so changed. It was not merely that her smile was new to him - though that he had never seen; but her manner, the tone of her voice, the light of her eyes, the interest, and confidence, and winning wish to please, expressed in all-this was not Edith.
'Softly, dear Mama. Papa is asleep.'
It was Edith now. She looked towards the corner where he was, and he knew that face and manner very well.
'I scarcely thought you could be here, Florence.'
Again, how altered and how softened, in an instant!

她顫抖着，眼睛模糊了。當他在房間裏踱步的時候，他的身形在她眼前似乎高起來了，大起來了；一會兒它是模糊不清的，一會兒它又清楚鮮明瞭，一會兒她彷彿覺得這種情形好多年以前就像現在一樣發生過。她嚮往他，可是當他走近的時候卻又向後退縮。這是一個不知道邪惡的孩子的不自然的感情啊！一隻奇怪的手在指導着銳利的犁，在她溫柔的心田中耕出壠溝，來播種這種感情的種籽！
弗洛倫斯決心不讓自己的悲痛來使他傷心或生氣，所以她控制着自己，安安靜靜地坐在那裏，幹着針線活。他在房間裏又轉了幾圈之後，不再踱步，而是到隔着一定距離的一個陰暗的角落裏，在一張安樂椅中坐下，用手絹蒙着頭，安下心來睡覺。
弗洛倫斯坐在那裏看守着他，不時把眼睛朝他的椅子那邊看看；她的臉孔專心致志地對着她的針線活，但她的思想卻在注意着他；她又憂鬱又高興地想到，他能夠在她身旁睡去，他並沒有因爲她奇怪地在場而坐立不安，而在過去，長期以來，他是絕不允許她在場的。對弗洛倫斯來說這樣已經足夠了！
他一直在不停地注意着她；他臉上的手絹無意或有意地擺放得使他可以隨意地看她；他的視線一秒鐘也沒有離開過她的臉孔！當她朝着黑暗的角落裏向他望過去的時候，她那富於表情的眼睛在無聲的語言中比世界上所有的演說家說得更爲懇切、更使人感動，它們在緘默的陳訴中向他提出了比語言更爲嚴肅的責備；就在這時候，她的眼光碰到了他的眼光，可是她卻不知道！當她重新低下頭去幹活的時候，他呼吸得舒暢了一些，但卻繼續同樣注意地看着她--看着她那潔白的前額、垂落的頭髮和忙碌的雙手--，而且一旦被她吸引住了，好像就再也沒有力量能把他的眼睛移開似的！啊，如果她知道這一切的話，她該會怎麼想啊！
這時候他又在想些什麼呢？他懷着什麼樣的情緒在繼續暗暗地注視着她的一無所知的女兒呢？他是不是在她安靜的身姿與溫柔的眼睛中看到了對他的責備了呢？他是不是已經開始認識到她應當得到但卻被他忽視了的權利了呢？是不是它們終於打動了他的心，使他猛醒過來，認識到自己過去殘酷的不公道了呢？
最嚴厲、最冷酷的人們雖然時常把他們內心的祕密保守得嚴嚴實實的，但在他們的生活中也有柔順下來的片刻。看到女兒姿容美麗，在他不知不覺之中已經幾乎變成一位成年婦女，這也許甚至在他的高傲的生活中也能引來這樣柔順的片刻吧！他身邊已經有了一個幸福的家，家庭幸福的守護神正俯伏在他的腳旁，而他過去卻頑固不化，繃着臉孔，妄自尊大，沒有注意到這個守護神從旁走開，並斷送了自己--也許，在腦中閃現的這樣一些想法也能使他產生出這樣柔順的片刻吧！雖然她僅僅用眼睛表露，也不知道他已經看出，但他卻像清清楚楚地聽到她在娓娓動聽地向他訴說着純樸的話語：”啊，爸爸，看在我曾在牀邊照料過的死去的弟弟的分上，看在我曾度過的苦難的童年的分上，看在我們在深更半夜在這淒涼的房屋中相會的分上，看在我出於內心痛苦所發出的哀哭的分上，請轉向我，在我對你的愛中尋求庇護吧，別等到太晚了！”--也許這些話也能激發他進入這樣柔順的片刻吧！還有一些比較卑劣、比較低賤的思想（如他死去的孩子現在已經被新婚所代替，因此他可以原諒曾經取代了他的愛的這個人了），也許也可以促使他產生這樣柔順的片刻吧！甚至就是這樣的思想：她可以當作一項裝飾品，和他周圍所有其他的裝飾品與奢侈品一起存在--也許這也足夠使他心腸柔順下來了。可是他愈看她，他對她就愈來愈溫柔。當他看着她的時候，她跟他曾心愛過的男孩融合在一起了，他簡直不能把他們兩人分開。當他看着她的時候，他在片刻間通過更清晰、更明亮的光線看到了她，不再把她看作曾經俯伏在他男孩子的枕頭上的他的競敵（這是多麼離奇的思想喲！），而是把她看作他家庭的守護神了，她正在看護着他，正像她過去曾經看護小保羅時的情形一樣。他覺得他想跟她談談，把她叫到自己身邊來。”弗洛倫斯，到這裏來吧！”這些話已經到了他的嘴邊--不過是緩慢、費勁的，因爲他很不習慣這麼說--，這時樓梯上響起了腳步聲，這些話就被抑制住，說不出來了。
這是他妻子的腳步聲。她已經脫去吃晚飯時的服裝，換上了一件寬大的長衣，並已鬆開頭髮，讓它隨意地披垂在脖子周圍。但是使他吃驚的並不是她的這些改變。
“弗洛倫斯，親愛的，”她說道，”我一直在到處找你。”
當她坐在弗洛倫斯身旁的時候，她彎下身子，吻了吻她的手。他簡直認不出這是他的妻子。她的變化是這麼大。不僅她的微笑對他來說是新奇的（雖然他過去從沒有見到她微笑），而且她處處表現出來的神態、聲調、眼光、關切、信任以及那想使人高興的願望，也全都是新奇的。這不是伊迪絲。
“輕一點，親愛的媽媽。爸爸睡着了。”
現在，這又是伊迪絲了。她朝他所在的角落裏望過去，那臉孔和神態是他十分熟悉的。
“我完全沒想到你會在這裏，弗洛倫斯。”
她在一剎那間又換了個人，變得十分溫柔。