放鬆心情幽默故事三則

在日常繁忙的生活中，也不要忘了放鬆自己的心情。下面是本站小編爲大家帶來放鬆心情英語幽默故事，希望大家喜歡!

　　放鬆心情英語幽默故事：怕老婆的老公

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself.

有一位怕老婆的老公接受心理治療師的建議要堅持自己的主見。

"You don't have to let your wife bully you,"he said."Go home and show her you are the boss ."

他說：“你不必讓你的老婆像惡霸一樣欺侮你。回家去讓她知道你纔是老大。”

The husband decided to take the doctor's went home,slammed the door,shook his first in his wife's face,and growled,"

這位老公決定接受醫生的勸告。他回到家，用力啪答一聲關上門，在他老婆的面前：揮舞着拳頭，並且大聲咆哮說：

From now on you are talking orders from me.

“從現在起，你得乖乖聽我的命令。

I want my supper right now,and when you get it on the table ,go upstairs and lay out my clothes.

我現在就要吃晚餐，當你把它弄好放在餐桌上的時候，到樓上去把我的衣服擺放好。

Tonight I am going out with my friends.

今天晚上我要和我的。朋友外出，

You are going to stay at home where you belong.

你給我乖乖待在家裏不許亂跑。

Another thing,you know who is going to tie bow tie?"

另外還有一件事情，你知道誰要替我打蝴蝶結領結嗎?”

I certainlydo,"screamed the wife."The Undertaker."

老婆尖叫着說:“我當然知道。是收屍的人。”

放鬆心情英語幽默故事：騙子，騙子

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.

老婆與隔壁鄰居到警察局報案 說她的老公失蹤了。

The policeman asked her for a description.

警察要求，她形容一下。

She said,"He is 35 years old,6 feet 4 inches,has dark eyes,dark wavy hair,an athletic build,weighs 185 pounds,is soft-spoken ,and is good to the children."

她說：“他三十五歲，六尺四寸，黑眼睛，波浪狀的深色頭髮;體格健壯，體重185磅，說話很輕乘，而且對小孩子很好。”

The next-door neighbor protested,

隔壁鄰居期提出反駁說：

"Your husband is 5 feet 4 inches,chubby,bald,has a big mouth,and is mean to your children."

“你老公五尺四寸，胖嘟嘟 的，禿頭，有一個太嘴巴，而且對你的小孩稂刻薄。”

The wife replied,"Yes,but who wants"THIS KIND OF STUFF"back?"

老婆回答說：“你說對了，可是誰會要 這種沒用的廢物 回來呀?”

　　放鬆心情英語幽默故事：法官與小偷

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.

那天是聖誕節，法官在審訊犯人時也有點惻隱之心。“你爲什麼而被起訴?”他問。

"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

“採購聖誕節物品過早。”被告答。

"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"

“這不算犯法，”法官回答，“你購物多早?”

"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

在商店開門之前，“犯人應道。