幽默妙趣的英語故事

幽默故事，能讓你在信手翻啓間開懷一笑，得到身心的徹底放鬆、心緒的怦然萌動、情感的欣然釋放。下面本站小編爲大家帶來妙趣幽默的英語故事三則，歡迎大家閱讀!

妙趣幽默英語故事：再活40年

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

一名中年婦女心臟病突發被送到了醫院， 在手術檯上，瀕臨死亡之際，

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

她看到了上帝， 於是，她問上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。

Seeing God, she asked if this was it.

上帝回答說，“還沒有，你還能活43年，2個月零8天。”

God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."

身體快要康復的時候，這名女士想到自己還要活那麼多年，得好好對待自己，於是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然後還做了一個腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術。

Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.

她甚至還請人到醫院裏面幫她頭髮給染了。

She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it.

做完最後一個手術，這位女士出院了， 但就在過馬路的時候，她被一輛風馳電摯趕回醫院的救護車給撞死了。

She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital.

再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問上帝，“我記得你說我還能再活40年?”

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years?

上帝回答，“那個時候我沒認出你來”。

"God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

妙趣幽默英語故事：好消息和壞消息

An artist asked the gallery ownerif there had been any interestin his paintings currently on display.

一名藝術家問畫廊老闆，最近有沒有人對他展出的畫感興趣。

"I've got good news and bad news,"owner replied.

“這有好消息和壞消息，”老闆回答。

"The good news is thata gentleman inquired about your workand wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.

“好消息是有一位先生諮詢你的作品，他想知道在你死後你的畫會不會升值。

When I told him it would,he bought all fifteen of your paintings.

我告訴他你的畫會升值，他就把你的15幅畫全都買走了。”

"That's wonderful!"the artist exclaimed,"What's the bad news?"

“真是太好了”，藝術家是喜形於色，“那壞消息是什麼?”

With concern, the gallery owner replied,"The guy was your doctor."

帶着關心的口吻，畫廊老闆回答，“買畫的人是你的醫生”。

妙趣幽默英語故事：啤酒是洗頭用的

Two nuns were shopping and happened to be passing the beer store.

兩個修女外出購物，路過一家啤酒店。

One asks the other if she would like a beer.

其中一個修女問另外一個要不要買點啤酒喝。

The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it.

那個修女回答說她是想喝，但不太敢去買。

The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier.

第一個修女說她會搞定，說罷拿起一提六瓶裝的啤酒，來到收銀臺。

The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "The beer is used for washing our hair."

看到收銀員的表情有點怪，第一個修女說，“我們買啤酒是用來洗頭的。”

The cashier, without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer, saying. . .

收銀員，眼皮都沒有眨一下，把手伸進櫃檯下面，拿出一包椒鹽餅乾放到裝啤酒的袋子裏面，

"Here, don't forget the curlers."

說“嘿，捲髮器可不能少!”