男閨蜜當道：爲什麼你們只是朋友？

Why You're Just Friends
爲什麼我跟她只是朋友？

We've all been there -- crushing on that girl we're hanging out with, thinking this might actually go somewhere. And the more time we're spending together, the more we realize how much we actually like her: how she talks, how she laughs, that she can chill with us like one of the guys.
我們都有過這樣的經歷：對經常跟我們混在一起的那個女生有了感覺，覺得大家的關係可能會有所發展。跟她在一起的時間越久，我們就越發意識到有多喜歡她：她說話的樣子，她笑起來的樣子，她會像兄弟一般陪伴在我們身邊。

And then there's that moment, when we realize that we haven't really made a move yet. Were we waiting for her to go for it? Were we not sure she'd be into it? All of the sudden, she's talking about another dude, she's bringing you into the bathroom with her while we're talking on the phone and calling us for advice.
也就是在那一刻，我們意識到，我們的關係其實並沒有更進一步。在等她挑明？不確定她是不是懂你的心？然後突然有一天，她嘴裏眼裏心心念唸的是另外一個人，打電話給你尋求戀愛意見，實實在在的從頭到腳給你潑了一瓢冷水。

8. She Feels Rejected
她覺得被拒之門外

When you purposely go into the "friend zone" a girl might immediately put you into the friend-only category because, although she might have initially felt some sort of attraction to you, she now feels that you do not share those feelings and it's hard to switch back after a deep friendship has been formed. It’s hard to change our minds back unless something happens to change our perspective.
如果你有意想進入她的“朋友專區”，那她可能會立馬把你劃到“只能做朋友”的類別中。雖然她可能在剛開始對你有吸引的感覺，但是一旦她感覺到你並沒有分享同樣的感受，而你們之間已經建立了深厚的友情，那她的感覺就很難撥亂反正了。除非有什麼事情發生讓我們改變看問題的視角，否則我們的思維是就很難再變回去了。

7. She's Already Moved On
她已經開始了新感情

I have a timing threshold between when a guy becomes a "friend I could potentially date" and a "friend who will only ever be a friend." What happens with the timing thing is that once I become close to a guy, with the "he's one of my best friends" mindset, it's past the point of no return. He's the one I turn to when I have problems with the guy I might be dating at the time, the one I'm not afraid to let see me looking my worst, and the one I can rely on when I need anything. But, this is always with the understanding that he's my friend. Nothing more.
女生的心裏是有個時機門檻的：“可能會約會的朋友”和“只能做朋友的朋友”可大不一樣。這個時機就是，一旦女生跟某個男生很親密，心裏有了“他會是我最好的朋友”的想法，那麼這個時機就過了，再也無法回頭了。最好的朋友，意味着我會跟他聊我戀愛中的所有問題，我也不怕讓他看到我最醜的樣子，我有任何需要都可以指望他。但在我的心裏，他只是我的朋友，再無其他。

6. You're Not Being Decisive
你太過猶豫不決

Women are into decisive men who know what they want. Women want to feel wanted and swept off their feet. The whole "friendship" gimmick is not attractive to women. If that's your approach to a woman you're interested in, you're showing that you're indecisive, scared and don't know what you're looking for. They want you to see their potential right away and then pursue them.
女人喜歡決絕果斷，明確知道自己想要什麼的男人。這樣女人才會有一種被需要的感覺，會讓她們神魂顛倒。“友情”這種騙人的把戲對女人沒有吸引力。如果培養友情是你接近感興趣的姑娘的方式，那麼你就是在表現自己不夠果斷、戰戰兢兢和無所適從的一面。女人想要你馬上看到她的潛力，然後展開攻勢。

5. You're Afraid Of Dating
你在害怕約會

I think that you've come to rationalize avoiding something that's difficult for you. You have to learn to date. I know it's awkward and scary, but what you're doing [if you try to be friends first] is trying to find some shortcut or loophole or easy way out that will allow you to avoid doing something that I think you know you need to do. This same psychology is why overweight people keep buying miracle pills instead of getting on the treadmill.
只做朋友不戀愛，我覺得你只是在合理地避免一些困難的事情，你必須學會如何約會。我知道約會很尷尬很嚇人，但如果你想先做朋友，那你只是在走捷徑找漏洞，用輕鬆簡單的相處方式讓你可以免於約會裏的種種麻煩。這跟超重的人拼命買特效藥而不願意運動減肥的心理是一樣的。

4. You Haven't Made Her Feel Desirable
你沒有讓她覺得自己魅力不可擋

Of course you should be respectful and not treat women as objects, but it is quite possible to do that and act like a man and make a woman feel like she is beautiful and desirable at the same time. Women don't want to be treated as porcelain dolls -- they want to be treated as adults. And in the context of dating, most of them like being treated as attractive, sexy adults by a man who acts like a man, not one who acts like a starstruck boy.
你當然應該尊重女性不能拿她們當玩物，但是同時你也應該像個男人一樣，讓女人覺得她很漂亮很有魅力。女人可不想被人當瓷娃娃一樣對待，你得拿她們當成年人看待。在約會的情況下，女性大都希望能被對方當做魅力而性感的成年人對待，而相對地，男性也別表現得像個幼稚的追星族一樣。

1. She Hasn't Seen Your Skills
她沒看到你的能力

I suggest having them see you in your most natural habitat doing what you do best. Confidence, concentration and skill in action is very attractive that women are responsive to. Some women will be turned on by computing skills, others by artistic ability, some by funniness, others by quiet loner-ness, etc. It's not that hard to figure out.
建議你讓她們看到你在最熟悉的工作環境中做最擅長事情的樣子。自信、專注和採取行動的能力會讓女人覺得很有吸引力，女人會吃這一套。有些女人喜歡電腦技能強的，有些喜歡藝術能力優秀的，有些則愛幽默感十足的，還有人則會着迷於那種安靜憂鬱系的男人，想要搞清楚絕對不難。

3. You Haven't Asked For A Date
你從來沒有開過口

By not asking for a date you are implicitly saying, "I don't want to audition -- don't consider me for the role." Unless you are irresistible, most women will be perfectly OK to have a male friend like that in perpetuity while they continue to search for the right partner.
從不開口表示想和她約會的心情，就像是在暗示她：“我不想試鏡，別考慮我來演這個角色。” 除非你真是魅力強大無可抵擋，否則大部分的女性對身邊有這樣一個永遠的男性朋友都會表示完全能接受，而她們還能繼續找尋自己對的那個人。

So, ask them for a date and/or make it clear that you want to be more than a friend. The worst that will happen is they will say no, and you will have saved yourself a lot of time you would have spent wondering whether this friendship will turn into a romantic relationship.
所以啊，要開口說我想跟你約會，或者表露心跡：我不只是想跟你做朋友。最壞的結果也只是她拒絕了你，這樣你可就省了花時間心思來琢磨你們的友情能不能發展成愛情了。

2. She Hasn't Seen Your Guns
她沒看到你的身材優勢

I suggest accidentally showing off your muscles. It sounds stupid, I know, but I can't even remember the number of times some girlfriends and I have had a conversation along the lines of, "Oh my god, did you see X's biceps/hip muscles/forearms today? Who knew?! So hot!" If you don't have muscles, then work out. At least your arms.
建議你時不時地秀一下自己的肌肉，我知道可能聽起來有點傻，但我真的不記得有多少次跟我的女朋友有過這樣的對話模式：“天啦，你今天有沒有看到那個誰誰誰的二頭肌/翹臀/強壯的臂彎？誰知道怎麼會這麼性感啊！” 如果你沒有肌肉，那就要去健身，至少練練手臂。