不要再和另一半爲這些事爭吵了

THEY ATTACK YOUR CHARACTER VS. COMPLAINING ABOUT SPECIFIC THINGS.
他們攻擊你的人格VS.具體埋怨某件事。

Fighting about sex? Money? In-laws? Our experts tell you what you're really fighting about and how to get the issue solved once and for all so you don't have to keep having the same arguments every three months.
爲了性生活、錢或公婆而爭吵？我們的專家將告訴你什麼事值得爭吵，以及如何一勞永逸的解決這些問題，這樣你們就不必每三個月都爲同樣的事情爭吵了。

"YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF"
"你應該爲自己感到羞愧"

We all do things we're not proud of but being shamed for them. Even if your partner has done something truly terrible, like cheated on you, publicly or privately shaming them may feel good in the moment, but it won't help you move forward. "Rather than shaming them for a behavior that they are doing, take accountability and ownership for your part and your own feelings," says Shirani M. Pathak, Ph.D., licensed psychotherapist and founder of the Center for Soulful Relationships. "When you approach it from this place, you take personal responsibility and the relationship has a chance to grow and evolve, rather than deteriorate with resentments."
我們都做過一些不光彩、感到羞恥的事情。即使你的另一半做過一些十分糟糕的事情，比如出軌，公開或私下裏羞辱他們可能會讓你一時快意，但卻無益於你繼續向前。"不要爲他們的行爲羞辱他們，相反，找出自己應該承擔的責任，說出你的感受，"持證心理治療師兼靈魂戀情中心的創始人Shirani M. Pathak博士說道。"當你從這一角度解決問題時，你承擔了自己的責任，從而給這段感情成長和昇華的機會，而不是讓怨恨毀掉這段感情。"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER MY TEXT?"
"你幹嘛不回我短信？"

Texting is great for communicating certain things: Appointment confirmations, lunch orders, shopping lists, and (obviously) funny memes. What it's not great for? Communicating emotions. Couples often end up in blow-out fights about things said (or not said) in a text. "Texts are too easily misinterpreted," says Laney Zukerman, Ph.D., psychology professor and author of Lessons for an Urban Goddess. If a conflict starts in a text, whatever you do, don't continue that argument by texting, she adds. "If you are upset, frustrated or truly angry about something, you will need to breathe and wait until you see your partner in person to express your upset. Impulsive texting is a big no no."
發短信很適合交流一些事情：確認預約、訂午餐、購物清單和有趣的回憶（顯而易見）。那不適合什麼呢？交流感情。情侶們總會因爲短信中說過的一些話而大吵一架，最終導致分手。"短信很容易讓人產生誤解，"心理學教授兼《寫給城市女神的教訓》（Lessons for an Urban Goddess）一書的作者萊尼·祖克曼博士說道。如果爭吵是由短信引起的，不管你在做什麼，千萬不要通過發短信繼續爭吵，她補充說。"如果你對某事真的很傷心、沮喪或生氣，你應該深呼吸，然後等見到另一半本人時再說出自己的難過。衝動的發短信絕對是大大的不可以。"

"YES YOU DID SAY THAT"
"對，你說過這話！"

I never said that! Yes you did! No I didn't! Getting caught in a who-said-what loop is a surefire way to end up even angrier than when you started fighting. "This is an uNPRoductive argument at a most fundamental level because it can never be resolved - that is unless they happened to videotape the argument, and even then might be iffy," says Mark Sharp, Ph.D., psychologist and owner of the Aiki Relationship Institute in Oak Brook, Illinois.
我從來沒有說過那句話！不，你說了！不，我沒有！陷入誰說了什麼這個循環只會讓人們比剛開始吵架時更加生氣。"這是個毫無根據的爭論，因爲這個問題永遠解不開--除非在爭吵時錄了音，即使這樣也還是會存在問題，"心理學家兼伊利諾伊州奧克布魯克的雅佳情感研究所的擁有者馬克·夏普博士說道。