狄更斯雙語小說:《董貝父子》第54章Part4
'Yes,' he said, showing all his teeth 'I know that.'
'And calculated on it,' she rejoined once more, 'and so pursued me. From my marriage day, I found myself exposed to such new shame - to such solicitation and pursuit (expressed as clearly as if it had been written in the coarsest words, and thrust into my hand at every turn) from one mean villain, that I felt as if I had never known humiliation till that time. This shame my husband fixed upon me; hemmed me round with, himself; steeped me in, with his own hands, and of his own act, repeated hundreds of times. And thus - forced by the two from every point of rest I had - forced by the two to yield up the last retreat of love and gentleness within me, or to be a new misfortune on its innocent object - driven from each to each, and beset by one when I escaped the other - my anger rose almost to distraction against both I do not know against which it rose higher - the master or the man!'
He watched her closely, as she stood before him in the very triumph of her indignant beauty. She was resolute, he saw; undauntable; with no more fear of him than of a worm.
'What should I say of honour or of chastity to you!' she went on. 'What meaning would it have to you; what meaning would it have from me! But if I tell you that the lightest touch of your hand makes my blood cold with antipathy; that from the hour when I first saw and hated you, to now, when my instinctive repugnance is enhanced by every minute's knowledge of you I have since had, you have been a loathsome creature to me which has not its like on earth; how then?'
He answered with a faint laugh, 'Ay! How then, my queen?'
'On that night, when, emboldened by the scene you had assisted at, you dared come to my room and speak to me,' she said, 'what passed?'
He shrugged his shoulders, and laughed
'What passed?' she said.
'Your memory is so distinct,' he said, 'that I have no doubt you can recall it.'
'I can,' she said. 'Hear it! Proposing then, this flight - not this flight, but the flight you thought it - you told me that in the having given you that meeting, and leaving you to be discovered there, if you so thought fit; and in the having suffered you to be alone with me many times before, - and having made the opportunities, you said, - and in the having openly avowed to you that I had no feeling for my husband but aversion, and no care for myself - I was lost; I had given you the power to traduce my name; and I lived, in virtuous reputation, at the pleasure of your breath'
'All stratagems in love - ' he interrupted, smiling. 'The old adage - '
'On that night,' said Edith, 'and then, the struggle that I long had had with something that was not respect for my good fame - that was I know not what - perhaps the clinging to that last retreat- was ended. On that night, and then, I turned from everything but passion and resentment. I struck a blow that laid your lofty master in the dust, and set you there, before me, looking at me now, and knowing what I mean.'
He sprung up from his chair with a great oath. She put her hand into her bosom, and not a finger trembled, not a hair upon her head was stirred. He stood still: she too: the table and chair between them.~
'When I forget that this man put his lips to mine that night, and held me in his arms as he has done again to-night,' said Edith, pointing at him; 'when I forget the taint of his kiss upon my cheek - the cheek that Florence would have laid her guiltless face against - when I forget my meeting with her, while that taint was hot upon me, and in what a flood the knowledge rushed upon me when I saw her, that in releasing her from the persecution I had caused by my love, I brought a shame and degradation on her name through mine, and in all time to come should be the solitary figure representing in her mind her first avoidance of a guilty creature - then, Husband, from whom I stand divorced henceforth, I will forget these last two years, and undo what I have done, and undeceive you!'
Her flashing eyes, uplifted for a moment, lighted again on Carker, and she held some letters out in her left hand.
'See these!' she said, contemptuously. 'You have addressed these to me in the false name you go by; one here, some elsewhere on my road. The seals are unbroken. Take them back!'
She crunched them in her hand, and tossed them to his feet. And as she looked upon him now, a smile was on her face.
'We meet and part to-night,' she said. 'You have fallen on Sicilian days and sensual rest, too soon. You might have cajoled, and fawned, and played your traitor's part, a little longer, and grown richer. You purchase your voluptuous retirement dear!'
'Edith!' he retorted, menacing her with his hand. 'Sit down! Have done with this! What devil possesses you?'
“你也正指望着這一點！”她回答道，”所以就來追求我。我已變得對一切太漠不關心，所以對那雙把我塑造成現在這個樣子的那雙手的日常工作，我只是漠不關心而不會提出任何反對。我知道，我結了婚至少可以阻止他們把我到處兜售；我聽憑自己被可恥地賣出去，就像脖子上套着繩圈、在任何市場上被賣出去的任何女人一樣。你知道這一點。”
“是的，”他露出所有的牙齒，說道，”我知道這一點。”
“你也正指望着這一點！”她回答道，”所以就來追求我。從我結婚的那一天起，我發現我面臨着一種新的羞辱--面臨着一位卑鄙的惡棍的勾引與追求（那就彷彿是用最粗野的文字寫在紙上一樣清楚，這張紙又經常不斷地被塞到我的手裏）；它使我感到，彷彿直到這時候我纔開始明白屈辱是什麼。這羞辱是我的丈夫給我安排好的，是他親自把我關進羞辱的圈子中，是他親自把我浸泡在羞辱的水中，而且自願地重複做了幾百次。就這樣，這兩個人迫使我失去了我的任何安寧，這兩個人迫使我放棄了我內心最後剩餘的一點愛與溫情，或者給我的愛與溫情的對象招致了新的不幸；就這樣，我從一個人那裏被趕到另一個人那裏；當我避開了一個人的時候，我卻被另一個人所困擾--，我對他們兩人的憤怒幾乎達到了發狂的地步。我不知道對誰更憤怒，是對主人呢還是對他的奴僕！”
當美麗的她以勝利者的姿態憤怒地站在他的面前時，他目不轉睛地注視着她。他看到，她是堅決的，無畏的，對他就像對一個蟲子一樣，毫不害怕。
“關於榮譽或貞潔，我有什麼可以對你說的呢！”她繼續說下去，”這對你有什麼意義呢，對我又有什麼意義呢！可是如果我對你說，你的手稍稍碰到我一下，我的血就會由於厭惡而發冷；如果我對你說，從我第一次看到你和憎恨你的時候開始，直到現在，我對你愈益瞭解，我對你的本能的反感就愈益增強，因此，對我來說，你一直是一個我討厭的東西，在世界上再也找不到它的同類了；可是如果我對你說這些，那麼又將怎樣呢？”
他輕輕地笑了一下，回答道，”是呀！那麼又將怎樣呢，我的皇后？”
“那天夜裏，在那個你曾助了一臂之力的場面出現之後，你鼓起勇氣，膽敢走進我的房間對我說話，”她說道，”那以後的事情是怎樣的？”
他聳聳肩膀，又大笑着。
“那以後的事情是怎樣的？”她又問道。
“你的記性很好，”他回答道，”我毫不懷疑，你能記得。”
“是的，我能，”她說道，”聽着吧！那時你建議逃走--不是像這樣的逃走，而是他你所想的那樣逃走--；你對我說，因爲我准許你進行那次會晤，讓你可能在那裏被找到（如果你認爲那樣是合適的話），因爲我以前好多次允許你跟我單獨在一起，併爲這提供了機會（你是這樣說的），還因爲我直言不諱地向你承認，我對我的丈夫除了厭惡之外沒有別的感情，而且我對我自己不關心，這樣我就把我自己斷送了；你還說，我給了你誹謗我名聲的權力；我今後是否保住貞潔的聲譽就全憑你怎麼說了。”
“在愛情中的一切策略--”他笑嘻嘻地打斷說，”古老的諺語--”
“在那天夜裏，”伊迪絲說道，”我長久以來一直在進行的一個鬥爭終止了，那絕不是爲關心我的美好名聲而進行的鬥爭。我不知道是在跟什麼進行鬥爭，--也許是在跟我內心剩餘的那點愛與溫情鬥爭吧。那天夜裏，我除了憤怒與怨恨外，拋棄了其他一切感情。我打出一拳，它使你的傲慢的主人蒙受了奇恥大辱，並迫使你現在在這裏站在我面前，望着我，並瞭解我的用意是什麼。”
他大聲地咀咒了一聲，從椅子上跳了起來。她把手伸進懷裏，沒有一個手指發抖，沒有一根頭髮動一動。他一動不動地站着，她也一動不動地站着，在他們中間隔着一張桌子和一把椅子。
“今後如果我已忘記這個人那天夜裏就像他今天夜裏又這樣做的一樣，把他的嘴脣壓到我的嘴脣上，並把我摟在他的懷裏的話，”伊迪絲指着他，說道，”今後如果我已忘記他的吻在我的臉頰（這是弗洛倫斯願意將她天真無邪的小臉緊貼着的臉頰）上留下的污點的話，今後如果我已忘記當這污點還在我臉上發燒時，我曾經遇見她的話（當我看見她的時候，我突然思潮如涌地想起，我對她的愛會使她遭受迫害；我的逃走雖然可以使她免遭這種迫害，但我卻由於自己不顧恥辱與墮落，給她的名聲也蒙上了恥辱，造成了損害，因此在她的心中今後我將永遠是一個她必須首先避開的罪人了），今後如果我把這一切都已忘記的話，那麼，那時候，我的丈夫，從今以後我已與您離婚的丈夫，我將忘記最近的這兩年，向您解釋我所做的事情，使您醒悟過來！”
她閃閃發光的眼睛擡起一會兒，然後又停落在卡克身上；她把左手裏拿着的幾封信向他遞過去。
“看這些信！”她輕蔑地說道，”你把這些信寄給我，信封上還用你杜撰的名義來稱呼我：一封信交到這裏，其他的幾封留在我路途中停留的地方。這些信全都沒有拆開。拿回去吧。”
她把它們揉成一團，投擲在他的腳邊。當她重新看着他的時候，她臉上露出一絲微笑。
“我們今天夜裏見面，今天夜裏分離，”她說道。”你對西西里的日子和淫蕩歡樂的休息想得太早了。你本可以繼續哄騙，繼續溜鬚拍馬，把你那奸詐的角色扮演得稍許長久一些，錢掙得更多一些。你已爲貪戀女色的退隱生活付出了昂貴的代價了！”
“伊迪絲，”他做了個威脅的手勢，回答道，”坐下，把這一套收起來吧！什麼魔鬼附着在你身上了！”
