經典科幻文學:《基本上無害 Mostly Harmless》第22章6

Ford named a figure. The barman fell over amongst the bottles and glasses. Ford vaulted quickly over the bar to check that he was all right and help him back up to his feet. He’d cut his finger and his elbow a bit and was feeling a little woozy but was otherwise fine. The big guy started to sing. The barman hobbled off with Ford’s credit card to get authorisation.

福特說了個數。酒保倒進了瓶子，杯子中間。福特迅速翻過吧檯看他有沒有問題，然後幫他站起來。他割傷了手指和胳膊，腦袋有些暈乎，但除此之外安然無恙。那個大塊頭開始唱歌，酒保拿了福特的信用卡，一瘸一拐地劃卡去了。

‘Is there stuff going on here that I don’t know about?’ said Arthur to Ford.

“有沒有發生什麼我不知道的事情？”阿瑟問福特。

‘Isn’t there usually?’ said Ford.

“通常不是都有嗎？”

‘No need to be like that,’ said Arthur. He began to wake up. ‘Shouldn’t we be going?’ he said suddenly. ‘Will that ship get us to Earth?’

“沒必要這樣。”阿瑟說，他慢慢清醒了，“我們是不是該走了？”他突然問，“那艘船能帶我們去地球嗎？”

‘Sure will,’ said Ford.

“那是當然。”福特說。

‘That’s where Random will be going!’ said Arthur with a start. ‘We can follow her! But… er…’

“蘭登肯定就是去了那兒！”阿瑟猛然驚醒，“我們可以跟上去！可……呃……”

Ford let Arthur get on with thinking things out for himself while he got out his old edition of The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

福特任阿瑟自己去瞎琢磨，他掏出了自己那本老版的《銀河系漫遊指南》。

‘But where are we on the probability axis thing?’ said Arthur. ‘Will the Earth be there or not there? I spent so much time looking for it. All I found was planets that were a bit like it or not at all like it, though it was clearly the right place because of the continents. The worst version was called NowWhat where I got bitten by some wretched little animal. That’s how they communicated, you know, by biting each other. Bloody painful. Then half the time, of course, the Earth isn’t even there because it’s been blown up by the bloody Vogons. How much sense am I making?’

“可我們又是在那什麼概率軸線的什麼位置上？”阿瑟道，“地球到底在不在？我花了那麼多時間找她，結果只找到些有點像她或者一點不像她的星球。可我顯然沒找錯地方，因爲大陸的模樣都是對的。最糟的版本是那個叫現在咋整的，我被一隻該死的小個畜牲咬了。那是它們的溝通方式，你知道，就是相互咬。痛得要命。然後當然了，還有一半時間地球壓根不存在，因爲她已經給那些該死的沃貢人轟上了天。我說的你明白嗎？”

Ford didn’t comment. He was listening to something. He passed the Guide over to Arthur and pointed at the screen. The active entry read ‘Earth. Mostly harmless.’

福特沒有發表任何意見，他在聽着什麼。他把《指南》遞給阿瑟，指了指屏幕，上頭被激活的條目上寫着：“地球，基本上無害。”

‘You mean it’s there!’ said Arthur excitedly. ‘The Earth is there! That’s where Random will be going! The bird was showing her the Earth in the rainstorm!’

“你是說它在！”阿瑟激動了，“地球還在！蘭登肯定是去了那兒！那隻鳥在暴風雨裏給她看的就是地球！”

Ford motioned Arthur to shout a little less loudly. He was listening.

福特招呼阿瑟小聲點，他正聽歌呢。

Arthur was growing impatient. He’d heard bar singers sing ‘Love Me Tender’ before. He was a bit surprised to hear it here, right in the middle of wherever the hell this was, certainly not Earth, but then things tended not to surprise him these days as much as formerly. The singer was quite good, as bar singers went, if you liked that sort of thing, but Arthur was getting fretful.

阿瑟越來越不耐煩。他從前聽過酒吧歌手唱《溫柔的愛我》。當然，在這麼個天曉得是什麼鬼地方但反正不是地球的地方，聽到這首歌他也的確有些吃驚，但話說回來，如今事情也不再像過去那麼容易讓他吃驚。那歌手唱的還不錯，酒吧歌手的風格，如果你喜歡那種東西的話。可阿瑟已經越來越沉不住氣了。

‘Don’t you think we should be going?’ he said, insistently.

“你不覺得我們該上路了嗎？”他堅持道。