經典科幻文學:《銀河系漫遊指南》第9章 Part 2

The principle of generating small aMounts of finite improbability by simply hooking the logic circuits of a Bambleweeny 57 Sub-Meson Brain to an atomic vector plotter suspended in a strong Brownian Motion producer (say a nice hot cup of tea) were of course well understood — and such generators were often used to break the ice at parties by making all the molecules in the hostess's undergarments leap simultaneously one foot to the left, in accordance with the Theory of Indeterminacy.
Many respectable physicists said that they weren't going to stand for this — partly because it was a debasement of science, but mostly because they didn't get invited to those sort of parties.
Another thing they couldn't stand was the perpetual failure they encountered in trying to construct a machine which could generate the infinite improbability field needed to flip a spaceship across the mind-paralysing distances between the furthest stars, and in the end they grumpily announced that such a machine was virtually impossible.
Then, one day, a student who had been left to sweep up the lab after a particularly unsuccessful party found himself reasoning this way:
If, he thought to himself, such a machine is a virtual impossibility, then it must logically be a finite improbability. So all I have to do in order to make one is to work out exactly how improbable it is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give it a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn it on!
He did this, and was rather startled to discover that he had managed to create the long sought after golden Infinite Improbability generator out of thin air.
It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galactic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a smartass.

產生少量有限非概率的原理當然很好理解，只需要簡單地把基於單個超微57型亞介子腦的邏輯電路接在一個掛在強布朗運動發生器（比如說一杯熱茶）上的原子矢量繪圖器上就行了——這樣的裝置通常用來打破宴會上的冷清氣氛，比如把女主人內衣的所有分子轉移掉，同時配合不確定原理，目標指向在場的任何一個其他人。
許多有名望的物理學家聲稱他們不能容忍這樣的做法，部分是由於這種做法貶低了科學，但更主要的原因卻是他們從來沒有被邀請參加過這樣的宴會。
他們所不能忍受的另一件事就是，他們製造一臺能夠產生無限非概率的儀器的嘗試一再失敗。這樣的儀器如果用在飛船上，就能夠跨越哪怕是最遠的星球之間的距離。最終，他們惱怒地宣稱這樣的一臺儀器根本就是不可能的。
此後的一天，一個學生留下來打掃實驗室，他這樣推理：

如果，他對自己說，這樣的一臺儀器事實上是不可能的，那麼它就必定是一種有限非概率。因此，如果我要造出一臺來的話，所要做的全部事情就是算出它如何不可能的精確數值，把這個數值輸入有限非概率發生裝置，再來上一杯熱茶……然後，打開它！
他這樣做了，於是震驚地發現自己成功地憑空造出了人們苦苦尋求已久的珍貴的無限非概率發生裝置。
更讓他震驚的是：當他獲得銀河學院傑出才智大獎後，竟然被一夥狂怒的暴徒（由著名物理學家們組成）以私刑處死。這些人最終發現，他們最無法容忍的其實是“機靈鬼”。